\\5 Days//

I fly home in 5 days. five\\5.

The reality of going home has all gotten a lot more real. I woke up anxious that I may have missed saying goodbye to the team of sweet recent high school grads and their counselors I so dearly loved. I open my door that looked onto the street still with sleep in my eyes and saw them all ready to go. I yelled DON'T LEAVE threw on clothes and ran downstairs to embrace these sweet girls. The last 10 days have been challenging for me, knowing with every passing day and milestone of their trip my time here was soon coming to an end. Early on they found out about my going home. Since these girls were in transition from high school to college or even sweet Hannah who is moving to South Africa they understood my feelings of transition well, they were living it too. They were gracious and understanding, two things I very much needed the last weeks I spend in Haiti. As I hugged each of them and told them all they are incredible they were off. So was I. I know I was not on their van driving to the airport but in an instant I was reliving two years ago when I had to ride two hours to Port-Au-Prince just to get on a plane teary eyed praying Lord, I don't understand.

I don't understand this time either -- in 5 short days I will be that same teary eyed girl walking up to the American Airlines counter looking like a fool. Oh how my heart wants to fight back so much saying "that's it I'm done with this life" when I know that's a lie and I'm not okay, I'm not done. The devil has tried to fill my thoughts with reasons why I should be "done" in many different forms this week. One came in the form of a teenage boy who as I greeted him coming down the mountain he called me ugly as if he just said the sky was blue or the grass green. Hardness of heart encamped around my sensitive spirit and I had a moment of  "Maybe I should be done with Haiti altogether- just forget it." Then I was suddenly enraged at that very thought. I cannot simply be DONE here. I know I go home in less than a week, but being done it putting something behind you and I cannot and will not ever put Haiti behind me.

Living here I have learned more than my share of lessons that the devil would like for me to throw out the instant I hit American soil. That won't be so, I won't lose the sensitivity to his spirit nor the compassion for other and a resolve to serve even when it's difficult. I won't lose the joy and love that many have poured into me this year with their smiles and encouragement, I won't lose the grace that others gave me as I was learning a new language or simply learning in general. Those things are to be taken though my life with me and I won't let the devil tell me otherwise.

There has been a fight in my head lately about why I was going home. My heart said NO, YOU CAN'T and my spirit said, but you must. Once again I am feeling like I am being ripped from the very place he called me and settled my heart here. How can it be God's will to have me leave I wonder many times. I have prayed repeatedly for the Lord to be CLEAR if he wanted me to stay in Haiti beyond my initial year mark. You want to know what he said. NOTHING.

Lots of confusion has swirled around my mind as I tried to make sense of that. Jesus called me from my home, comforts, and will into his grace and love here in Haiti but he does not have me hear longer. At least not now... Not this season. I am aware that his seasons are simply for our Good. I could use some time to process and spend time talking to individuals that encourage me into God's will at all times. However this season is probably the most difficult for me transitionally because that suddenly means no Haiti.

No more chickens, pigs or cows waking me up in the morning. No Saturday feeding where my heart is blessed knowing children are consuming both spiritual and physical food. No more little voices calling my name from the mountain so very far away that I need to look around to even begin to orient the direction the voice came. No more greeting the women in the kitchen, loving on them and telling them I appreciate them as they shove a plate of food in my face and are so happy to share. No more late nights on the porch looking at the stars in the heat thinking, how is this real? No more dancing with little ones on Fridays and allowing the expression of Joy be released from their bodies as we giddily prance around the church. No more kinder babies running up to me jumping in my arms and feeling safe as I am filled with glee at every sweet ounce of Love received as I embrace them. No more.

No more? How can this be so.
I am simply holding fast to my faithful and true Heavenly Father for I know he has a will and a plan even if I don't know that plan. He is alone the one who gave me the sounds of waking up, the chorus of animals chirping or mooing. He gave me the pleasure of being blessed on Saturdays at the feeding. He also called my name when those children from so far away were compelled to yell it at the top of their lungs, he was on the tip of their tongue. He also cooked with my ladies and danced with my girls and hugged all my kinder babies. He was in all those things and he will ever be in all things. I will see it- I will look and find him in the transition. His hints of grace and echoes of love in each thing. Even if those things I am not yet familiar with just yet, even if it's hard. I know he is there in the hard transition from grace in Haiti to grace in America. His grace stands. He is good. He will always be.


Please join me in prayer as I transition. For grace and for the individuals who will be around me in my meltdowns that will inevitably be brought on by what is simple in the states yet so hard or unfamiliar here. Where even a simple trip to the store might send me into a spiral of emotions. It's a transition that I never truly want to recover from because I know I am never done with Haiti. Haiti is always with me and I am so grateful for that. I will never recover from a country that has allowed the Lord to lavishly fill me with grace, love, hope, joy, peace and much more. Life here was hard, it was not anything like home, it took adjusting but I welcomed the change because despite my momentary discomfort I understood it would produce fruit . Pray that I welcome this change back "home" just the same as I trust Jesus has a plan. Pray for his will and discernment to lead me onto the next chapter or for a season of stillness to fill my heart in ways that only his power at work can do.

 Oh how I am grateful I was chosen to venture with Jesus to the unknown. I pray I am grateful to once again follow his leading and see what excellent things are in store. May Christ always receive the Glory, may he be illuminated in not only my time here but my transition back home as well. Let him be seen. Let him be Glorified, always.

Beautiful Suffering

Last year a good friend of mine was going though a really difficult struggle in her life. I sympathized with her heartache but simply didn't know how to comfort her other than pointing her back to Jesus- because he does a far better job being compassionate than I ever have or ever will. I do remember during my prayer time for her I asked the Lord to just give me a glimpse of her pain, her plight. I wanted to understand more fully because I cared for her enough to want to share in suffering with her just to be able to identify more with the nature of her heart.

That's the thing about Love- It's willing to suffer just to get closer to your heart. It's willing to want to go deeper in pain and suffer on behalf of relating to you. After all- that's what Jesus did, that's why he came. He came to suffer in hopes that we would see how his suffering related to our lives- that his sacrifice had everything to do with his Love and compassion but that's not the end of the story.
The suffering our savior encountered on that cross -ONCE AND FOR ALL- (Read that again) gave us power. His power, the same power that Raised Jesus from the dead now lives in us if we Trust Jesus with our lives.

 "I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms." Eph 1:19-20 

So if we have this power, how can we begin to understand how to use it... What to do with it? First the revelation of this power should not allow us to boast in ourselves rather in the giver of life. We must remember in his death and baptism we died with him, and in his resurrection we will rise with him in new life in his righteousness. ((Romans 6)) Now, no longer do our stains of sin seep though the surface because we have a robe of righteousness that covers and that robe is the Suffering of Christ. 

So then, since Christ suffered physical pain, you must arm yourselves with the same attitude he had, and be ready to suffer, too. For if you have suffered physically for Christ, you have finished with sin. 1peter 4:1 

So it turns out not only do we have power over death, we have power over sin! The Lord has been gently reminding me of this fact lately. I know my life has been splattered with sin's signature stink and I continue to need an abundance of Grace which Jesus is so gracious to present to me, but it doesn't end there. His signature is one of grace and love beyond all compare - it cannot be revoked if our hearts are postured toward the son.

We are victorious over sin. That doesn't mean we won't ever sin rather it's our posture. We can claim victory over sin that has dragged us down into the pits more than once. The sins we hide and push away-- ashamed that an evil can exist as such in our hearts- so we "run" from God and "hide" our failings.

He gives us a way out, a way for sinners- A victory over those secret things- Over the failures that we can hardly verbalize. He has given us this because he loves us. He suffered so that we would have VICTORY over such things.

 "Overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us." Romans 8:37 

This past week I was reminded about these secret things by our very own Moto driver here. He had been acting off lately so I pulled him over and asked (In broken Creole mind you) if he would share with me what was bothering him. He went on this whole long explanation about how everyone has secrets and that he simply could not share with me. I reminded him that even if he could not share those secret things with me he can share those things with Jesus because he already knows what's going on in his heart. I was praying he could understand how the victory of Jesus was meant to give us victory as well though the burden being poured out onto Jesus-- It's great news!

I've recently been faced with an Idol that I had NO idea that existed in my heart. I was so burdened that in the face of this sin I took it to the father and he called me to fast.... Only I failed. I heard the Lord say I was to fast and seek his face and starve the Idol in my heart but I turned again from his precious face and into the arms of the Idol I fed. Such heartache I encountered. I am grateful that he picks us up from our heartache and turns us to the father who says look to my son.

 "For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day." John 6:40 

That heartache was such as when I was suffering not long ago as a response to my prayer nearly a year earlier to experience some of my friends suffering. I realized amidst the trial that this struggle was to open my eyes and give me compassion not just for my friend but also for a sliver of the suffering encountered on the cross. It certainly doesn't compare, but remembering his suffering for my freedom and victory gave me hope that this desert would become an opportunity to share in Christ's death and resurrection. It's a strange thing to feel so convicted, lost, deserted then remember with great grace- this must have been the tip of the iceberg of what Christ felt for us all that day he was lead to Calvary. <He must increase I must decrease> As for my Idol, the battle isn't over I am afraid I will fight that until the day I meet the one who suffered on our behalf but I do have great confidence in his blood's power in my life as I claim victory over sin. All sin, "small sin" ugly sin, hidden sin, blatant sin, comforting sin, sins of omission, sins of commission, sins of old, any and all sin. I remember that sin does not have the final word. He already spoke those words....

                                 "It is FINISHED" John 19:29-30

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Mountains and Valleys - Humbling Dependence

^{I wish I could dress up this blog post for you, make it both beautiful and inspiring but the truth is more than anything lately I have been humbled. I am in the middle of John Piper's book -Desiring God and a quote that called me to prayer this week was this "Prayer humbles us as needy and exalts God as wealthy." This is exactly why I am sharing these tough stories with you today, we are all in need of humility to boast even more loudly about our Gods wealth!  Being broken is humbling, needing two twelve year old boys to climb down a mountain and a good cry session to walk back up it is equally humbling. A friend recently told me that brokenness creates cracks in our lives  that are actually areas where we can let the Light of Jesus shine out of if we let him. Here is my attempt to let him shine though my rather gaping crack.}

^{Before I begin I need to share a few stories in light of context... Bear with me.}

^{When I was a sophomore in college I went though a very traumatic event which lead me to many anxieties thereafter. During this time I was accustom to many panic attacks. One night, nearly 4 months after the incident I went with friends to go play capture the flag. I was excited and running around with everyone when suddenly I was in full blown panic mode. What was most confusing and enraging about this specific attack is there wasn't even a feeling of fear that had taken over my thoughts- rather I had just gotten into the rhythm of breathing that my brain associated with a panic attack-- so I had one. I was beyond confused myself as my friends ran around trying to find me water and as another friend calmed me down. It was humbling to realize that even just the rhythm of breath could send me into full on attack mode so I since avoided running and many strenuous activities. Thankfully the Lord was gracious to me and this was simply a season in my life where the Lord defined what dependence on him looked like. He was teaching me that panic was no way to control any situation and rather clinging to him and his promises was the only way to cope.}

^{"For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.” Isaiah 41:13}

^{Less than 2 months after this event I was laying in an ambulance on my way to the hospital. I had been sick for a week at this point but even I was shocked when I realized how sick I really was. During my time at the hospital there was never a diagnosis, just a lot of tests and pain meds. On one particular night I was in so much pain that I cried out to the Lord. I told him that if he wanted me he could have me, that I would rather be with him anyway. Being with him would far outweigh this life and I would happily meet him that day if he desired.}Suddenly his still small voice spoke to me as clear as I have ever heard the Lord before. He said " I have plans for you, Amanda."  That was enough for me, if he had a purpose to keep me here I would endure today and this season for I know the Lord is faithful. He was, he always will be.

Three weeks later I was mostly recovered and was finally back at school learning what my limits where- learning how to say no, what I could and couldn't do on account of my health. To be honest I am still figuring that out. In the grand view of things its not about what I could or couldn't do but rather what the Lord was teaching me; to depend on him and I would not have to worry. Jesus teaches us this over and over again in our lives yet he is still willing to teach it again. We can depend on him- he knows our limits- he knows our hearts- we can depend on him always. And I know this because "My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:19

Fast forward to 2014, last week the group I live with went on an adventure to one of the most beautiful beaches in Haiti. I was a little anxious the night before because I heard how there was a 45 minute hike down to the beach and a hour or so hike back up to our car I was a little unsure I would make the trek but I could not miss this opportunity. Before we made our assent I prayed that the Lord would provide help and give me safety in his arms, no matter what happens. As we were beginning to make our assent we saw the most magnificent view and I took out my camera to capture it. There were two boys watching our group as we passed and were paying particular attention to my camera. Often children here haven't ever seen a photo of themselves so I asked if they would like me to take their photo. They both said yes in a very excited manner. I quickly snapped their photo, showed it to them and was on my way. Very soon after the road became a  foot path and was increasingly steep so much so that I was calculating each step.  

^{Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure Proverbs 4:26}

^{It seamed my friends were already well on their way so I was trying to catch up to them when I suddenly fell. I twisted my knee and scraped it on the rocks. I let out a startled scream and my team yelled to see if I was okay. I wasn't  actually sure but said Yes and to go on without me. Little had I known the boys I took a photo of where right behind me. They helped me up and brushed me off. They pointed to my bleeding knee and said "blese" which is the verb to cut in Creole. I thought about how cool that actually sounds that something as not fun as a cut can sound like a blessing, and it was. That cut was a blessed opportunity to be increasingly humbled.}

^{I was shaken up a bit and since the path was still very steep for me the two boys helped me down. They held my hand and made sure I had sure footing. At one point I realized I was still shaking but I was so thankful to have these sweet boys be my guides. Just as we were about to reach the beach I remembered a book I had read aloud in the car on the way to Colorado with two of my best friends. The book is called hinds feet on high places. I was reminded of this book because in it the main character- much afraid (whom now in retrospect was certainly acting like) was lead on the steep and torturous path to the sheppard which was God character. She had two guides and their names were Sorrow and Suffering. I chuckled as I remembered this and thank the Lord for my version of sorrow and suffering to cling to on this ascent down the mountain.  God was faithful in getting me to his most beautiful creation and I was certainly thankful, certainly humbled, yes mostly humbled.}

^{We had a good day at the beach, I played with local beach children, searched for quite a loot of sea glass, and got to lay in the sun admiring all the Lord created. It was rather glorious and nearly surreal and then I remembered sorrow and suffering and the hike up the mountain I soon faced. I began getting anxious because I wouldn't have my guides this time- I was probably still going to be far behind the group and I doubted I could actually make it up the mountain. We started the climb and at first I was doing fine- I had to fight to keep up with everyone but I was building my pride no matter how much it hurt. Then I reached a point where I simply could not keep up the pace with everyone anymore. Still despite my better judgment and knowledge of my limits, I was pushing harder than ever before just to keep up. What pride. UGH. Pride is so ugly, and even uglier when you were literally just humbled on the path down. How quickly pride forgets humility, or maybe that's what fuels it? Every time we are humbled we are given a choice to accept the humility or let it fuel our pride to never be humbled again. Then it all went downhill. I couldn't keep up, and I was mad- there were so many things I wanted. I wanted to be able to enjoy this hike like everyone else and not struggle. I wanted to breathe normally and not think I was going to throw up every two seconds.  I wanted so badly my health to not hinder me anymore but mostly I wanted to be in control. I was breathing rather rapidly then suddenly I was in panic state then like a stinkin baby I burst into tears.} 

^{THE LORD BROKE ME.} 

^{I am not in control and I never will be. If its on my own accord I can do nothing. I must rely on him for my health and everything else. It was silly, but I knew the Lord wanted me to see more. He wanted me to see sorrow and suffering firsthand. He wanted me to again learn the lesson to depend on him and he has all things working together for my good and his glory. I am thankful for the Lords favor in that moment. Dan had stayed back with me as we climbed and witnessed me burst into tears. As the father he is, he was tender and loving. He didn't rush me or make fun of my emotions, although he did crack a joke about needing to keep all the water I had inside my body and I actually did chuckle at that one. The Lord spoke though Dan as he comforted and coached me up that mountain. Reminding me that it wasn't a sprint, it was a marathon. So is life.} 

^{Dependence is not simply a lesson we learn once and move on, I feel it's a lesson we learn and re-learn though seasons of life. Because it takes a lot to break though our pride and desire for control, still God is faithful even if he presents sorrow and suffering as companions. Through anxiety and panic attacks I learned to be dependent on the lord. Though illness and a life that is lead with the prospect of being right back in the same hospital room builds dependence on the Lords favor- especially living in a third world country. It's important to remember for my own sanity that nothing that has happened to me in my life is outside the scope of God. He knows what I experienced that brought on such trauma, he knows how my head spun as I sat in a hospital waiting for answers that never came. He also knows my heart when I climb a mountain and cares deeply that I learn to depend on him. Never once was any of that outside of his control because he is sovereign. If nothing else he is showing me that dependence is an action. He is showing me that despite what the world says to become independent my only real saving grace is dependence on the one who lavishes unmerited grace. How blessed are we. Even when sorrow and suffering are our guide that we have a peace that surpasses all understanding because we have the peacekeeper as a guide.}

^{"My spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant. For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name." Luke 1:47-49}

Childlike

 

 

A Child's heart is to be captured, embraced, loved.

And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

As a 23 year old I often feel the imbalance between childhood and the brink of adulthood. It's a struggle to remain in the framework of child-like faith yet facing the sobering realities of life. I can hardly imagine how some children I encounter in Haiti face this hard truth everyday- that their childhood reality is ripped away. Children as young as 5 doing all the household chores... cooking, cleaning just to "earn their way." In Bondage, taken hostage their childlike tendencies and demanding a new framework out of necessity. They grow up in an instant, lacking time to giggle, run, dance, and the freedom to be a child.

I look into longing eyes every day. I see hunger and pain. I watch children carry other younger children up a mountain to receive their only meal in God-knows how long. I witness countless children longing for affection running up to me for a simple hug. Many fight over being held and played with because they so desperately desire attention. Much of the behavior issues I deal with result from a child acting out because that's the only way they know how to seek attention. They are so thirsty, not only for water but for their hearts to be filled the way a child's should be.  

"Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink, whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them." John 7:37-38

So many adults don't want to see this. They don't want to see those who hurt because it brings up hurts of their own. As an adult there must be something those eyes have to do, they must see responsibility and weight with every glance in a third world- or in a first world for that matter. Yet I think the weight is a Godly weight. If we shielded our eyes from those who hurt, we wouldn't see as a child does.

I was sitting talking to Blondine, a sweet teenage neighbor who I spent a good deal of time with last summer. She was telling me how she sees the injustice of her country and God's goodness in the same breath. How can that be? An adult mind would have to rationalize two conflicting realities, yet she observes plainly: the broken world in which the Kingdom has yet come, and the Goodness of God in the fact that the Kingdom of God has already come.

"I am the Alpha and the Omega--the beginning and the end," says the Lord God. "I am the one who is, who always was, and who is still to come--the Almighty One." Rev. 1:8

Sure, it's easier to be blinded. It's easier to seek comfort. It's easier to plan your own life, than to let go and offer up your life plans to the maker of life. The boldness it takes to abandon your own plans in place of something radically different takes childlike faith. I often feel as if the world constantly struggles to place the blindfold back on my eyes, taking bits of the childlike out of my perspective. Sometimes with comfort in reach, even simple things like ice and electricity I feel I am slowly becoming blind. It's as if all the discomfort was actually allowing me to see after all- to shed that layer that blinds and restrains. Are we really giving up the awe and wonder of child-like eyes for ease and comfort? It's a shame when we can't see though the fog of our own pacifying flesh continuing to whisper... you don't want to see... seeing is a challenge, better just sit in the dark. 

Slowly, however I do see.
The Lord gives me glimpses.
Just a half second glance into the eyes of Christ and we would all be hooked.
I see in a way I believe Christ sees.
That's my prayer each and every day... to see with his eyes.
I'm pretty sure Christ has childlike eyes.
He sees wonder in a glance, and awe is a normal skeptical at his creation.
He doesn't see the lack before him, rather the fullness of child likeness.

Look with childlike eyes, see Christ who will be exalted among the nations.
Look with childlike eyes, see a generation willing to say yes to difficulty for the kingdom.
Look with childlike eyes, see peace to capture universal hearts, starting with you.
Look with childlike eyes, see freedom in Christ as a blessing beyond all measures.

Take back the rationality
Take back the pride
Take back the criticism

Replace with Faith
Replace with rejoicing
Replace with thanksgiving

 

and...

 

"come in the fullness of the blessing of the gospel of Christ." (Romans15:29)

to the very throne of Grace.

 

 

Send Your Light and Truth

We were sitting in the dark, defending the blood of Christ...explaining the beauty of Grace.

The conversation bolted from sanctification to justification and back and forth again... agreements were made, yet the truth that was poured out covered only the visible portion of the iceberg of confusion and lies covered up in a disguised version of truth.

Something bubbled up in me that I wasn't familiar with. I felt a rage, this unexplainable feeling not because of the pointed discussion that had now become a group effort to explain but because I felt the oppression. Deep, sticky, thick oppression. Beliefs that are so engrained in culture here that even if  individuals believe to have found the way and the truth the devil has TWISTED it, formed in a way that light is not penetrating. Lost dark "truth's." My heart broke because the Lord revealed to me that moment this is what so many battle, that "we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12)  Living in darkness unable to see a glimmer of light. The devil stealing at every chance, and oppressing to hide the truth. "The devil knows the truth and means to lie." (Beth Moore, Mercy Triumphs)

Earlier that week I had meditated on Psalm 43 and was enamored by verse 3 

"Send out your light and truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill, and to your dwelling."

I was again reminded of a verse I constantly run back to in Haiti when all we can see around us is darkness, twisted truth, unforgiving confusion of the devil, and walls that feel too big to climb over. Then we remember our God is bigger, and he has already won the battle. Let him be glorified! 

"In the world you will have tribulation,
but take heart; I have overcome the world."

I cling to this promise! 

In the true nature of Our Lord, the Teacher I had just walked though a lesson in our James study that spelled out that our tongue can be lit by either source, one of the Holy spirit in Light and Truth or by hell in darkness and confusion. We have a choice which fire lights our tongues. (Acts 2:1-4, James 3:6) I wrestled with the idea that many of the people in this country don't know they have a choice, they are simply blinded. The devil has such a captive audience here for so many reasons and it almost feels like he has prevailed.

 Then last night as I wrestled again in thought of this I looked up a sermon on my iPhone by Pastor John piper written in 1985 titled "Let us walk in the Light of God." That really captivated my thinking about how darkness is blinding, here is the analogy he used:

"Picture a man in a dark room. He feels warm, soft fur with one hand and a cold sharp edge with the other and draws in close to the warmth and softness of the fur. But, when the light comes on, he sees that the warm, soft fur is the under belly of a horrid, man-eating monster; and the hard, cold edge is the sword of the Majestic Christ ready to save. The reason he was controlled by his desire for the man-eating monster is that he was in the dark."

Then God shows me this word: 

"Now is the judgement of this world; now will the ruler of this world be cast out. And when I am lifted up from earth, will draw all people to myself.....The light is among you for a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you. The one who walks in the darkness does not know where he is going. While you have the light believe in the light, that you may become sons of light" (John 12:31-32, 35-36)

I was reminded that although the dark may seam to overtake this Island I have faith to believe in the Light of my Savior, that he has a beautiful plan of redemption that I am not able to see yet (and he is empowering me to see how I am a part of that plan, everyday I am here) regardless the darkness that tries to prevail. After all we are sons of light created in the image of "the Father of Lights." ( James 1:17)

I am reminded of a favorite Hillsong worship song;
You said, "Ask and I'll give the nations to you"
Oh, Lord, that's the cry of my heart
Distant shores and the islands will see Your light, as it rises on us 

In order to not be stringing these pearls together and trowing them away to pigs, I ask you join me in prayer for this Island. That the Island would sing of HIS light, and that darkness would flee.

After our discussion I ran to the Lord in my despair, this is the following prayer I wrote in my journal. Please be in prayer with me for the chains of oppression, confusion, and darkness to fall and for the Light of the HOLY one to shine in this country.

....My prayer  

Oh Father,

Hear my cry for all those on this island who think they know your truth, yet can't comprehend your Grace that your sons blood provided for us. Let your light come and reside among us and make Truth become evident, remove the scales from their eyes and the veil from their faces. My prayer for those hearts who are lead astray by empty words and displays of religion that are so far from your Truth that you may reveal to their hearts the foolishness of the world and seek you. As you run after us as the one sheep who is lost, Father I pray for your very pursuit of their soul to captivate them with your Light and radiate Truth into their lives. Father, we believe you hold all things in your hands and as darkness is concerned let it be cast out. Let your name be lifted high and make a home in the hearts of men, women and children across the nation of Haiti. Bring boldness to those in this country battling the darkness with your Light, let us be unified and unafraid to share of your Light, Truth and Love.

Amen

One year

One year ago today 4/2/2012

365 days.

Has it really been a year?

This day last year I felt a HUGE urgency to fast and pray for God’s will.

He made himself clear. So clear, he wanted my heart to become broken for Haiti. He began that day one year ago and his faithfulness amazes me. He is amazing! He keeps pushing my heart in the direction of his will for my life! Praise God!

The following is from my journal on this day last year:

“Lord, I need scripture about your provision, plan, and will. Also, scripture about your desire for me to serve the least of these, as well as scripture about your truth and sharing that truth and how you will protect me doing that if you so will. I trust you!”

Then he revealed to me these scriptures that I hold close to my heart;

Isaiah 6:8                         Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?" Then I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

Psalm 121:1-4                 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

                                     where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

 

Isaiah 50:4-5                    The Sovereign LORD has given me his words of wisdom, so that I know what to say to all these weary ones. Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to his will. The Sovereign LORD has spoken to me, and I have listened. I do not rebel or turn away.

Isaiah 54:10                      He said to me, "You are my servant, Israel, and you will bring me glory."  I replied, "But my work all seems so useless! I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose at all. Yet I leave it all in the LORD's hand; I will trust God for my reward."

The praise of prayer followed by tears of joy one year ago;

            “Oh Lord, you heard my prayer and showed me with your word a great reassurance, security, you’re will, faithfulness, guidance, and your hand that was in all that is my heart for Haiti. I pray that I continue to take these concerns to you and seek for truth in your word so that I can hear you clearly and be guided by your will not my own. Thank you Lord for your great plan for my life and showing me that you alone are good and you alone are God. Praise be to your name!”

            I write this to show how good and faithful our God is. A year ago he stirred in my heart what was to be my future, and I trusted him, even though it was not easy. Before I encountered God that day I remember writing down all my fears on a piece of paper, in black marker. Bold and ugly. Fear is UGLY. Then as he faithfully showed me his truth through the word and I began ripping that paper (all my fears) up! Fear no longer had any power, because I recognized his immense love! 2 Timothy 1:7 states “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” I saw it clearly, his love that washed away all my fears and that lead me in self-control to see his will above my own.

            I’m humbled today to be sitting in that same great, vast, extraordinary love of the Lord that is stirring my heart to return again to Haiti now with a deeper understanding of his will. I need your help though, I must raise 3,500 in a very short time, but I trust that God’s timing is perfect. Would you prayerfully consider supporting sending me back to Haiti to therefore see the Lords will be done? I appreciate all your prayers as I am being constantly prepared by the Lord, and trusting that He will provide for my needs in the way he wills. If you feel the holy spirit leading you to trust God’s movement about what I will be doing in Haiti come august read more about it here:HERE!! :) I am overjoyed to be sitting in this day a year later reflecting on God’s goodness. I pray you are lead to do the same though reading this post. Glory be to God!