Childlike

 

 

A Child's heart is to be captured, embraced, loved.

And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

As a 23 year old I often feel the imbalance between childhood and the brink of adulthood. It's a struggle to remain in the framework of child-like faith yet facing the sobering realities of life. I can hardly imagine how some children I encounter in Haiti face this hard truth everyday- that their childhood reality is ripped away. Children as young as 5 doing all the household chores... cooking, cleaning just to "earn their way." In Bondage, taken hostage their childlike tendencies and demanding a new framework out of necessity. They grow up in an instant, lacking time to giggle, run, dance, and the freedom to be a child.

I look into longing eyes every day. I see hunger and pain. I watch children carry other younger children up a mountain to receive their only meal in God-knows how long. I witness countless children longing for affection running up to me for a simple hug. Many fight over being held and played with because they so desperately desire attention. Much of the behavior issues I deal with result from a child acting out because that's the only way they know how to seek attention. They are so thirsty, not only for water but for their hearts to be filled the way a child's should be.  

"Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink, whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them." John 7:37-38

So many adults don't want to see this. They don't want to see those who hurt because it brings up hurts of their own. As an adult there must be something those eyes have to do, they must see responsibility and weight with every glance in a third world- or in a first world for that matter. Yet I think the weight is a Godly weight. If we shielded our eyes from those who hurt, we wouldn't see as a child does.

I was sitting talking to Blondine, a sweet teenage neighbor who I spent a good deal of time with last summer. She was telling me how she sees the injustice of her country and God's goodness in the same breath. How can that be? An adult mind would have to rationalize two conflicting realities, yet she observes plainly: the broken world in which the Kingdom has yet come, and the Goodness of God in the fact that the Kingdom of God has already come.

"I am the Alpha and the Omega--the beginning and the end," says the Lord God. "I am the one who is, who always was, and who is still to come--the Almighty One." Rev. 1:8

Sure, it's easier to be blinded. It's easier to seek comfort. It's easier to plan your own life, than to let go and offer up your life plans to the maker of life. The boldness it takes to abandon your own plans in place of something radically different takes childlike faith. I often feel as if the world constantly struggles to place the blindfold back on my eyes, taking bits of the childlike out of my perspective. Sometimes with comfort in reach, even simple things like ice and electricity I feel I am slowly becoming blind. It's as if all the discomfort was actually allowing me to see after all- to shed that layer that blinds and restrains. Are we really giving up the awe and wonder of child-like eyes for ease and comfort? It's a shame when we can't see though the fog of our own pacifying flesh continuing to whisper... you don't want to see... seeing is a challenge, better just sit in the dark. 

Slowly, however I do see.
The Lord gives me glimpses.
Just a half second glance into the eyes of Christ and we would all be hooked.
I see in a way I believe Christ sees.
That's my prayer each and every day... to see with his eyes.
I'm pretty sure Christ has childlike eyes.
He sees wonder in a glance, and awe is a normal skeptical at his creation.
He doesn't see the lack before him, rather the fullness of child likeness.

Look with childlike eyes, see Christ who will be exalted among the nations.
Look with childlike eyes, see a generation willing to say yes to difficulty for the kingdom.
Look with childlike eyes, see peace to capture universal hearts, starting with you.
Look with childlike eyes, see freedom in Christ as a blessing beyond all measures.

Take back the rationality
Take back the pride
Take back the criticism

Replace with Faith
Replace with rejoicing
Replace with thanksgiving

 

and...

 

"come in the fullness of the blessing of the gospel of Christ." (Romans15:29)

to the very throne of Grace.

 

 

Power Struggle?

I tossed and turned. Exhausted from a full day of living and working in Haiti. Well aware that I could not sleep, for there was something in the room that persisted. My prayers were earnest, I demanded the enemy to leave in the name of my savior, Jesus Christ. The enemy persisted. This world is under the "prince of the power of the air" and there was certainly something in the air that demanded my attention. The verse below tossed about in my head.

"We know that we are from God, and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one.
And we know that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true; and we are in him who is true, in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life. Little children, keep yourselves from idols." -1John 5:19-21

At around 2:35 AM I sat straight up and was so aware of an unwanted presence that I prayed... Prayed... and prayed. I was almost fooled into believing maybe "I wasn't praying hard enough, or with enough faith?" or maybe it was this half awake half sleep haze that I was caught in, but I certainly felt caught. 

Exhaustion overwhelmed as I layed back down. Not even 20 minutes later I sat up again, only this time I dramatically looked down at my wrist where I felt a pressure. As I looked down I saw that my bracelet (which was very dear to me, given to me by a sweet friend) that happened to be metal in the shape of a cross had literally broken in half... just like that. The enemy sure did hate to see that symbol of remembrance. Now, I wasted no time rationalizing this in pretending that what just happened didn't, I took the bracelet threw it across the room as a "that's enough" type of move. I was serious.

I knew then, I wouldn't sleep that night.

I got my computer out that really needed to be charged and listened to a podcast I had loaded earlier. The sermon that God divinely lead me to talked about how salvation was bigger than we could ever know about and how in Christ we have been "delivered from the dominion of darkness." (Col. 1:13)

I had a lot of questions that night that challenged me such as: 

• If we have been delivered from darkness how can I be attacked?
• I knew I could not be harmed, but I wrestled with God who was allowing this experience to occur. 
• How could I be both delivered and in the mist of darkness as I felt that night?

The devil is the ruler of this world. He holds power. A dark power.
Don't believe me? Look for yourself: John 12:31, John 14:30, John 16:11

I wondered how many times this reality has actually crossed my mind before. I know my God has power; incredible, jaw dropping, blind seeing, cripple walking, deaf herding, Christ rising type of power... but had I actually thought about satan as one who holds power in this world?  That power being far from equal,  but power none the less.

I was being sifted as peter was, like wheat. 

This was how I rationalized my experience. The Lord wanted me to not only be sifted but to experience    the darkness that is real and active in this community. I recalled what I had done the night all of this happened. I was upstairs at Megan's house, after I said goodnight to everyone right before I left I paused to say a prayer over their house of the Lord's protection. That night I learned that sometimes, God does not extend his protection because he gives permission.  

I was reminded that the Devil has to ask permission from our sovereign God before any experience that night or any other could ever occur. Because although the devil has power here....He Has a HIGHER power he must report to. Maybe all of this sifting was to violently separate lies from truth in this community and reveal beautiful revelation that God's glory ALWAYS stands. I'm okay with that. Let the wheat be sifted, because when it is finished there lies manna. Daily bread.

Above lies, his truth shines.

Beyond culture, he sovereignly placed you admits that culture. That's for his Glory too.

Within our brokenness, he brings beauty from the ashes.

We just have to allow him to work in all things (and I mean ALL) in order to see clearly the Lords purposes.

As I faced the enemy as I did that night I saw the darkness that encompasses this country. Not just Haiti, but the entire world. The manifestation may look different, but the one with the power in this world is the same, he uses all the same deceitful tactics all around the world and we maybe have grown so accustom to blaming such things on "culture" rather than calling the enemy out on his ploy.

That excuse of culture happens over and over here. Lies are so widely believed here as truth because of the deception the devil has placed on this land. Even believers here have a hard time deciphering truth from (Haitian) proverb, and proverb from scripture. 

Then I  ran across Psalm92:6-8  and I was refreshed.

"The senseless man does not know, fools do not understand the wicked spring up like grass and all evildoers flourish, they will be forever destroyed. But you , O Lord are exalted forever." 

We may live in a world where the power is in the hands of evil, but we know who will be exalted on the final days. I know who will forever reign as my Lord, my King!

Evil may be all around us in this world. But God is still Good, and he ALWAYS will be.

Send Your Light and Truth

We were sitting in the dark, defending the blood of Christ...explaining the beauty of Grace.

The conversation bolted from sanctification to justification and back and forth again... agreements were made, yet the truth that was poured out covered only the visible portion of the iceberg of confusion and lies covered up in a disguised version of truth.

Something bubbled up in me that I wasn't familiar with. I felt a rage, this unexplainable feeling not because of the pointed discussion that had now become a group effort to explain but because I felt the oppression. Deep, sticky, thick oppression. Beliefs that are so engrained in culture here that even if  individuals believe to have found the way and the truth the devil has TWISTED it, formed in a way that light is not penetrating. Lost dark "truth's." My heart broke because the Lord revealed to me that moment this is what so many battle, that "we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12)  Living in darkness unable to see a glimmer of light. The devil stealing at every chance, and oppressing to hide the truth. "The devil knows the truth and means to lie." (Beth Moore, Mercy Triumphs)

Earlier that week I had meditated on Psalm 43 and was enamored by verse 3 

"Send out your light and truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill, and to your dwelling."

I was again reminded of a verse I constantly run back to in Haiti when all we can see around us is darkness, twisted truth, unforgiving confusion of the devil, and walls that feel too big to climb over. Then we remember our God is bigger, and he has already won the battle. Let him be glorified! 

"In the world you will have tribulation,
but take heart; I have overcome the world."

I cling to this promise! 

In the true nature of Our Lord, the Teacher I had just walked though a lesson in our James study that spelled out that our tongue can be lit by either source, one of the Holy spirit in Light and Truth or by hell in darkness and confusion. We have a choice which fire lights our tongues. (Acts 2:1-4, James 3:6) I wrestled with the idea that many of the people in this country don't know they have a choice, they are simply blinded. The devil has such a captive audience here for so many reasons and it almost feels like he has prevailed.

 Then last night as I wrestled again in thought of this I looked up a sermon on my iPhone by Pastor John piper written in 1985 titled "Let us walk in the Light of God." That really captivated my thinking about how darkness is blinding, here is the analogy he used:

"Picture a man in a dark room. He feels warm, soft fur with one hand and a cold sharp edge with the other and draws in close to the warmth and softness of the fur. But, when the light comes on, he sees that the warm, soft fur is the under belly of a horrid, man-eating monster; and the hard, cold edge is the sword of the Majestic Christ ready to save. The reason he was controlled by his desire for the man-eating monster is that he was in the dark."

Then God shows me this word: 

"Now is the judgement of this world; now will the ruler of this world be cast out. And when I am lifted up from earth, will draw all people to myself.....The light is among you for a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you. The one who walks in the darkness does not know where he is going. While you have the light believe in the light, that you may become sons of light" (John 12:31-32, 35-36)

I was reminded that although the dark may seam to overtake this Island I have faith to believe in the Light of my Savior, that he has a beautiful plan of redemption that I am not able to see yet (and he is empowering me to see how I am a part of that plan, everyday I am here) regardless the darkness that tries to prevail. After all we are sons of light created in the image of "the Father of Lights." ( James 1:17)

I am reminded of a favorite Hillsong worship song;
You said, "Ask and I'll give the nations to you"
Oh, Lord, that's the cry of my heart
Distant shores and the islands will see Your light, as it rises on us 

In order to not be stringing these pearls together and trowing them away to pigs, I ask you join me in prayer for this Island. That the Island would sing of HIS light, and that darkness would flee.

After our discussion I ran to the Lord in my despair, this is the following prayer I wrote in my journal. Please be in prayer with me for the chains of oppression, confusion, and darkness to fall and for the Light of the HOLY one to shine in this country.

....My prayer  

Oh Father,

Hear my cry for all those on this island who think they know your truth, yet can't comprehend your Grace that your sons blood provided for us. Let your light come and reside among us and make Truth become evident, remove the scales from their eyes and the veil from their faces. My prayer for those hearts who are lead astray by empty words and displays of religion that are so far from your Truth that you may reveal to their hearts the foolishness of the world and seek you. As you run after us as the one sheep who is lost, Father I pray for your very pursuit of their soul to captivate them with your Light and radiate Truth into their lives. Father, we believe you hold all things in your hands and as darkness is concerned let it be cast out. Let your name be lifted high and make a home in the hearts of men, women and children across the nation of Haiti. Bring boldness to those in this country battling the darkness with your Light, let us be unified and unafraid to share of your Light, Truth and Love.

Amen

I am NOT Naive; A Surrender

For a few weeks a thought has popped into my head almost everyday that I can't quite shake.
"Am I naive?" "Do I really think I can do this whole moving to Haiti thing?"
I have been walking into this thought somewhat blindly, as if I can brush off this overwhelming feeling of something bigger in my heart bubbling up. I know what the devil wants me to do with this thought and if it's as he has planned he will have a field day. I've got to tell you too, that he has tried very hard to use these lies against me in order for fear to overtake my heart. HE WON'T PREVAIL.

The lies continued to flow all from that one thought;

"You can't do this"
"You aren't prepared"
"See, you aren't working hard enough to prepare... you can't be that dumb."
"Are you really blindly going into this?"

^How ugly is that?
Twisting my saviors sweet time of rest before I do the work set before me come august.

I'm not going to lie, battling all these lies hasn't been a walk in the park.
I've spent more time defeated in these lies than I would like to tell you about...many days and nights fighting sin and hurts specifically brought up with the purpose of drowning me in the reality of my own flesh. I AM HUMAN, my God loves me still. (Can I get an Amen?) I fell, turned around and I surrendered and he swallowed me up with his tremendous flood of grace and love. I don't deserve one ounce of this love, but he so tenderly loves us. Even in our sin, even in our hurt, in the middle of a storm he wants our surrender so he can fill us and remind us that he has control. Why would I ever worry or be defeated so easily for my saviors embrace reminded me that I am not alone, he will be working all things together for my good.

I may be naive to think that I can do it alone, sure. But I am not. He is with me always even until the end of the age (Matt 28:20). It's a promise, and God doesn't break his promises. NEVER, EVER.

I may also be naive to think I don't need to prepare, sure. But he is preparing me in the best way possible. My heart. The first place I need to prepare is my own heart, not lesson plans, nor any packing of a suitcase can fill me the way my savior is preparing a place in my heart for his work to be done. You can't buy that kind of peace, you cant muster up enough effort or know-how or even skill to face giants in life, we simply hold onto the hope of our Lord and trust with all we have.

To others it may sound naive that I am not taking "necessary precautions" but I know my God has it all in his hands, and no amount of worry will change that. No amount of preparations or precautions can make any instance better if all he desires for me is to trust him.

My heart must be willing to be taught, and I know that this is only the beginning. He is going to teach me so much in the coming months that I cannot begin to feel overwhelmed; therefore the beautiful lesson here as it always is "My daughter Trust me, I hold all things together and I will never let go of you, ever!" Rest in that truth.

I have been reading a book sweetly given to me by a stranger (I can call her a sister ) called kisses from Katie written by a sweet young girl who moved to Uganda following God's will. This excerpt really hit it home for me.

" 'Remember, God will never give you more than you can handle.' People repeat this frequently, I head it when I was growing up and I hear it now. It is meant to be a source of encouragement, and it would be if it were true.

But I don't.

I believe that God totally, absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle. Because this is when we surrender to Him and he takes over, proving himself by doing the impossible in our lives." -Katie Davis

I am blown away by how true this statement is for my life. I can't believe that God doesn't give us more than we can handle because he desires to prove himself to us in his passionate pursuit of his children. Because he loves us and wants to display his sovereign rule. He was sovereign over the devil attacking me, and has grace for my flesh or any failing I may do in the process in pursuit of  his will. He will always be sovereign, he will always want to rescue us from ourselves and the devil; that's his nature that's his love in motion....he simply can't contain himself.

 Even when circumstances feel unstable, our God is the one holding that unstable platform under our feet building with faith, love, and trust that He always has and always will be holding us up. Put your hand on your chest, do you feel the oxygen entering your lungs, he holds even this breath right now in his hands. He is even more visible in the crumbling of our plans, expectations, and strength the first step to visibly seeing his work in our lives is surrender. Without our surrender, we simply are standing (or falling, rather) on our own.. We can either have victory in our own hands as a champion and be filled with pride (news flash: that victory wasn't on your own accord) or become defeated in life by circumstances, sin, or the brokenness of the world and we are buried in our own workmanship and beat ourselves up for our foolishness and human character. Either way pride is in the way, we have to surrender our pride with brokenness before the father and plead for his help. We already have someone pleading for us on our behalf, he is our advocate.(1John 2:1) Jesus Christ entire existence life, death and Resurrection is your plead. His grace fights our case and we can see clearly though his scars the impossible can be done only through God because with God all things are possible. (Mark 10:27).

I won't be foolish in believing lies that I am not enough, because the world wants me to believe the impossible isn't possible...but God is with me so that is proof enough for me to trust him. Christ will always be enough!

Where are you still fighting giants on your own accord and succeeding or failing yet still blind to the mighty one who saves? I challenge you to search your heart and surrender what lies inside your flesh lacking complete surrender to the Lord. He is ready to receive this surrender with his son's beautiful grace awaiting your cry. I pray for you as Paul did for the church in Ephesus;

"That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man,  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love,  may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God." Eph 3:16-19

Thanks for reading; feel free to let me know how I can be praying for you!

-ATrux(almost) in haiti