When it rains...

"Miss Amanda it rained yesterday" Nicholas aimlessly talks as we go on out on our daily afternoon walk. "Your right Nicholas it did rain yesterday" I say with only half my brain after the chaos that was nap time. Excited nick exclaims "The sun warmed up all the wet things... It shineded on all that was rainded on!"

"Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving; make melody to our God on the lyre! He covers the heavens with clouds; he prepares rain for the earth;  he makes grass grow on the hills." Psalm 147:8

At that point I stop to let the boys investigate a leaf because all leaves are full of wonder, but apparently this was T  H  E  perfect leaf. I couldn't argue- all nature sends me on hunt for more of the beauty of the creator. He made the perfect leaf... & that one an that one... The one with the stripes and the one with the spots, he made them all!

It was then I thought about all that rain talk- we all have days where it feels like rain in our lives. We feel like the storms will push us over and it just won't dry.When we are drenched by circumstances and shivering in the cold. When the rain comes and it wets the ground in our souls we think just because it was wet somehow that means there isn't a way for the rain drenched streets of our hearts and minds to become dry again. We think in our        h o p e l e s s n e s s of the negative self talk, the kind the devil loves- because he doesn't have to do any work... we simply condemn ourselves and he just smirks his devilish smirk. The rain falls faster and with more velocity because if circumstances can bring us down, then he won't need to push us anyways. __Yet we are "more than conquerors" so we need not fall into this thought or disgrace for the power of the spirit can lift us from this negative thought___

Even as I type this in attempt to never forget simple thoughts of a child; Nicholas starts talking about how Jesus gives us hearts to chose his way or we sometimes choose poorly but he loves us still. That's the gospel straight from the mouth of babes: freedom to chose his way and his truth but also love in the bad choices still. Grace that covers it all! Of course in his 5-year old mind he compares bad choices to "bad guys" but the concept was there- and what a concept to grasp!!

The SON (of God) surely warms the cold and wet parts in our hearts- hurts caused by people, by heartache, by simply the brokenness of the world. The son, the one and only son. He warms us with his light. His warmth reminds us of his favor as his faithfulness. The rainbow in our hearts keep account of his shining. That beautiful rainbow reminds us of his promise. Our rainbows can take many different shapes,forms, and of course many different colors.  Maybe the rainbows of our soul come from a place of forgiving where it isn't easy or fair. Other times rainbows are colored by accepting or giving grace to others. Furthermore our rainbows carry us back to place of remembering. Even if it rains so hard that we think we may never get dry again; the son shines in perfectly into our deepest, wettest and most torrential downpours. He clears it up- he always does. Rest in him as the rain falls in our lives and trust in him when he provides his comfort in warmth. Because "the SON gives us warmth- he dries up all the wet parts"

This week I had many moments when I thought "It's raining, but I chose to believe the SON gives me warmth." I shall not despair or sit under condemnation but rather gather up the soggy socks and walk forward in confidence that the dry weather will come. It isn't the dry weather we wait for though, we sit in the rain drenched with a heart of joy. We can choose to dance in the rain and embrace the muckieness that is life some days.

Dance and let the SON warm you even when... you get a huge bill from the hospital for more than you have in your saving. Because when the Son warms you he provides with not only provision for the whole bill and debt eliminated but also a 20% discount to the paying party. Freely dance when you have your record wiped clean because when I look at a debt being paid I see the Gospel. I see our sin and utter helplessness in death and remember a savior sent to save us from the pit of death.

 "He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." Psalm 40:2

Dance and let the SON warm you even when... you are stuck in traffic on the interstate. Because maybe that traffic somehow had God's sovereign hand wrapped up in it.. because he knew your car would stall. He knew going 70mph and a car stopping would be death but he chose life so therefore he chose traffic. Slowing my vehicle down enough to realize, ughhh whaaaa....what is happening?! Choosing joy even after the tears flow because you realize that without his hand in steering you off the highway you would be dead. We would all be dead though, without his rainbows; without his remembrance of what his son did... he warms us even in the chaos of tow trucks, mechanics and even lack of faith in the moment of distress. H e   r e s t o r e s , he renews... and you drive away the next day praising all the more loudly. 

"The lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down." Psalm 145:14

Dance and let the SON warm you even when....you are tempted beyond your self control. Sit in the reality that dancing with a sin is like dancing with fire- we will get burned. When the son warms you and reminds you of his grace, then CHRIST grabs hold of your hand and dances you into remembrance of his light being shed on all things and why convictions of the spirit are a thing to be pressed in on to hear clearly rather than put on mute so your sin can run rampant. RUN, run fast the other way so you can dance freely in the arms of one who knows even the deepest darkest things and yet love you still deeper, stronger, wider.

Dance and let the SON warm you even when... you face broken relationships, failures, tragedy, triumph, sadness, sorrow, depression, anguish, faithlessness, hopelessness, broken hearts, bitterness, fears, trauma, health issues, Cancer, poor results, bad feedback, innumerable obstacles, disadvantage, financial struggles and the list goes on. At the end of the day we can chose to remember the rainbows despite the rain, and better yet dance in the storm. We can walk in confidence because we know God has us in his sovereign hands and choose to trust him even when our hands shake when we praise or pray. 


"As servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: By great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger, by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy spirit, genuine love by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; for honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet known; as dying, and behold we live; as punished and yet not killed; as sorrowful yet always rejoicing; as poor yet making many rich; as having nothing, YET POSSESSING EVERYTHING."                                  
2 C o r i n t h i a n s 6:4-10

I am NOT Naive; A Surrender

For a few weeks a thought has popped into my head almost everyday that I can't quite shake.
"Am I naive?" "Do I really think I can do this whole moving to Haiti thing?"
I have been walking into this thought somewhat blindly, as if I can brush off this overwhelming feeling of something bigger in my heart bubbling up. I know what the devil wants me to do with this thought and if it's as he has planned he will have a field day. I've got to tell you too, that he has tried very hard to use these lies against me in order for fear to overtake my heart. HE WON'T PREVAIL.

The lies continued to flow all from that one thought;

"You can't do this"
"You aren't prepared"
"See, you aren't working hard enough to prepare... you can't be that dumb."
"Are you really blindly going into this?"

^How ugly is that?
Twisting my saviors sweet time of rest before I do the work set before me come august.

I'm not going to lie, battling all these lies hasn't been a walk in the park.
I've spent more time defeated in these lies than I would like to tell you about...many days and nights fighting sin and hurts specifically brought up with the purpose of drowning me in the reality of my own flesh. I AM HUMAN, my God loves me still. (Can I get an Amen?) I fell, turned around and I surrendered and he swallowed me up with his tremendous flood of grace and love. I don't deserve one ounce of this love, but he so tenderly loves us. Even in our sin, even in our hurt, in the middle of a storm he wants our surrender so he can fill us and remind us that he has control. Why would I ever worry or be defeated so easily for my saviors embrace reminded me that I am not alone, he will be working all things together for my good.

I may be naive to think that I can do it alone, sure. But I am not. He is with me always even until the end of the age (Matt 28:20). It's a promise, and God doesn't break his promises. NEVER, EVER.

I may also be naive to think I don't need to prepare, sure. But he is preparing me in the best way possible. My heart. The first place I need to prepare is my own heart, not lesson plans, nor any packing of a suitcase can fill me the way my savior is preparing a place in my heart for his work to be done. You can't buy that kind of peace, you cant muster up enough effort or know-how or even skill to face giants in life, we simply hold onto the hope of our Lord and trust with all we have.

To others it may sound naive that I am not taking "necessary precautions" but I know my God has it all in his hands, and no amount of worry will change that. No amount of preparations or precautions can make any instance better if all he desires for me is to trust him.

My heart must be willing to be taught, and I know that this is only the beginning. He is going to teach me so much in the coming months that I cannot begin to feel overwhelmed; therefore the beautiful lesson here as it always is "My daughter Trust me, I hold all things together and I will never let go of you, ever!" Rest in that truth.

I have been reading a book sweetly given to me by a stranger (I can call her a sister ) called kisses from Katie written by a sweet young girl who moved to Uganda following God's will. This excerpt really hit it home for me.

" 'Remember, God will never give you more than you can handle.' People repeat this frequently, I head it when I was growing up and I hear it now. It is meant to be a source of encouragement, and it would be if it were true.

But I don't.

I believe that God totally, absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle. Because this is when we surrender to Him and he takes over, proving himself by doing the impossible in our lives." -Katie Davis

I am blown away by how true this statement is for my life. I can't believe that God doesn't give us more than we can handle because he desires to prove himself to us in his passionate pursuit of his children. Because he loves us and wants to display his sovereign rule. He was sovereign over the devil attacking me, and has grace for my flesh or any failing I may do in the process in pursuit of  his will. He will always be sovereign, he will always want to rescue us from ourselves and the devil; that's his nature that's his love in motion....he simply can't contain himself.

 Even when circumstances feel unstable, our God is the one holding that unstable platform under our feet building with faith, love, and trust that He always has and always will be holding us up. Put your hand on your chest, do you feel the oxygen entering your lungs, he holds even this breath right now in his hands. He is even more visible in the crumbling of our plans, expectations, and strength the first step to visibly seeing his work in our lives is surrender. Without our surrender, we simply are standing (or falling, rather) on our own.. We can either have victory in our own hands as a champion and be filled with pride (news flash: that victory wasn't on your own accord) or become defeated in life by circumstances, sin, or the brokenness of the world and we are buried in our own workmanship and beat ourselves up for our foolishness and human character. Either way pride is in the way, we have to surrender our pride with brokenness before the father and plead for his help. We already have someone pleading for us on our behalf, he is our advocate.(1John 2:1) Jesus Christ entire existence life, death and Resurrection is your plead. His grace fights our case and we can see clearly though his scars the impossible can be done only through God because with God all things are possible. (Mark 10:27).

I won't be foolish in believing lies that I am not enough, because the world wants me to believe the impossible isn't possible...but God is with me so that is proof enough for me to trust him. Christ will always be enough!

Where are you still fighting giants on your own accord and succeeding or failing yet still blind to the mighty one who saves? I challenge you to search your heart and surrender what lies inside your flesh lacking complete surrender to the Lord. He is ready to receive this surrender with his son's beautiful grace awaiting your cry. I pray for you as Paul did for the church in Ephesus;

"That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man,  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love,  may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God." Eph 3:16-19

Thanks for reading; feel free to let me know how I can be praying for you!

-ATrux(almost) in haiti