Broken, Refined, Found:

There is just something about sea glass that I love. Its texture, speckled cloudy color, various shapes and sizes, but mostly the search.

It's seeking them out among the rubble that I love. Like a ruby amidst rubbish, a diamond in the rough, a beautiful pearl in an oyster. Like a great treasure to be found, waiting to be admired by the right pair of eyes. I assume many walk past these pieces of beauty everyday and miss the hidden jewels.

Today as I was so blessed to be walking along the beach I set out to round up these beauties, searching for my gems. Each time I spot one my heart does a little dance, it leaps about as I watch them glimmering in the sun just waiting for me to behold them and call them precious.

As the sea rose and fell I went about my search, scanning the sand filled with debris, rocks and trash hopeful to find the pieces that make my heart dance so. Just as the father seeks us out, searches our souls and is hopeful for our obedience to his calling. We make his heart dance as he is forever constantly seeking out his treasure.

You see there is something unique about sea glass that I find so beautiful. The process starts with a bottle or other glass product that was tossed to the wayside, not even given a second thought by the littering party - discarded as useless, broken, and lacking any potential.  As the pieces of glass sit on the beach they wait, waiting for the tide to wash them, to cleanse them. They are vulnerable to the power of the wave and the nature of the tide. They must wait to be refined, they must submit to the power of the waves beyond them. The tumbling begins in its timing and starts refining the piece. Taking what was once sharp shards of glass and polishing them, making them soft and smooth as they toss about the sea and the rocks. This process occurs over and over. Large pieces become small, and what was once jagged becomes soft. It has been refined. 

We all, like sea glass need refining and begin in the same nature. In order to be refined we must first be broken. Broken to sin, to the weight of our separation from the perfection we cannot attain. He reveals our sharp edges and we fall away to the wayside over our very broken nature. We wait then for the maker, for his tide of love and peace to overwhelm our hearts. As we discover his greatness we are flooded with a certainty that this refining may actually have a purpose. We may be made new. We first wait for the tide, waiting for the Lord to take our vulnerable hearts and mend, bring together broken pieces and make them whole for renewal. Then we must go though the tumbling, the tossing of the sea over the rocks, waiting for the tide as it naturally rises we await our renewal. This does not just occur once however, but a continual breaking, waiting, refining is in process.  It's not just a once time dip in the ocean that will make us new, but a constant repeating edifying, edge softening, daily tossing with hope to me made more like Jesus. The tide never stops, it is always faithful and comes to work on our broken pieces, we must submit. We are just as vulnerable as that small piece of glass yet with the hope of a future to live to know the maker and eternally sing of his worthy name! We are but broken jagged pieces waiting to be broken, refined, found this is the process. Praise God for the process. 

Sometimes I like to think God sees us as I see sea glass. Beautiful in each their own way. No matter their amount of refining that has occurred or needs to occur. Calling them precious in his sight because they are vulnerable to the sea being obedient in the washing. Seeing the beauty in the ashes and watching the process refine his beloved. He picks us out among the rocks and trash and calls us beautiful even if our edges still require tossing. He sees the beauty in the making even when we aren't willing to be refined. He watches with joy as we toss about in the water, submitting to his will. He sings over us when we are made in his likeness and  are being softened to his will and way.  He calls us out among the rubbish and takes us though the storm with him, never alone. He feels the toss just as we do but knows of the renewal he has in mind. He sees the big picture, the mosaic he is creating. We are transformed and made new by his very hands and vulnerable to his power and thankful in the refining of our broken pieces. I pray I no longer look at what is broken in my heart in a way that shames me but rather a way that allows for softening to occur, for transformation by refining power by the maker.

When I don't understand missing pieces...why Children go without food...why Abuse continues it's cycle...why Evil is so persistent and taunting I am thankful for the tossing of a wave in remembrance that He makes all things new!

That which was broken, those who are poor of this world he also chooses to be heirs in the kingdom. Thanks be to God that he takes what the world casts out and calls rubbish and draws it to himself. He calls out the broken pieces to be made new and vulnerable to the refining process. Far exceeding our expectations Lord, as we will one day understand the refining he lavished on us in grace.

Today I am thankful for the process. For refining, for the search our Lord does to make us new. I'm thankful that we have hope and a future because of the promise our savior secured for us on the cross and in his resurrection.

He was beaten so we could be broken.

He was nailed so we can be refined.

He died so there could be a process that we may be made new in his name.

He was risen so we can be found.

The once crystal clear glass becomes cloudy in the process, in the tossing and refining - the beautiful process.  Let us embrace what has been broken in order to be made new and with thanksgiving praise him where we are in the tumbling of our sharp edges. We were made in his perfect image and when we cracked due to our sin we should have been tossed by the wayside, seen as useless and lacking no potential. Thankfully our fathers beautiful plan picks up the broken pieces and creates a new way to watch the beauty break on the shore. No matter the difficulty of life here, the tossing, the constant thrashing of trial I must love the process. I must remember he makes all things new, even if I can't see it or don't understand it. And I'll say it again, He makes all things new.

Send Your Light and Truth

We were sitting in the dark, defending the blood of Christ...explaining the beauty of Grace.

The conversation bolted from sanctification to justification and back and forth again... agreements were made, yet the truth that was poured out covered only the visible portion of the iceberg of confusion and lies covered up in a disguised version of truth.

Something bubbled up in me that I wasn't familiar with. I felt a rage, this unexplainable feeling not because of the pointed discussion that had now become a group effort to explain but because I felt the oppression. Deep, sticky, thick oppression. Beliefs that are so engrained in culture here that even if  individuals believe to have found the way and the truth the devil has TWISTED it, formed in a way that light is not penetrating. Lost dark "truth's." My heart broke because the Lord revealed to me that moment this is what so many battle, that "we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12)  Living in darkness unable to see a glimmer of light. The devil stealing at every chance, and oppressing to hide the truth. "The devil knows the truth and means to lie." (Beth Moore, Mercy Triumphs)

Earlier that week I had meditated on Psalm 43 and was enamored by verse 3 

"Send out your light and truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill, and to your dwelling."

I was again reminded of a verse I constantly run back to in Haiti when all we can see around us is darkness, twisted truth, unforgiving confusion of the devil, and walls that feel too big to climb over. Then we remember our God is bigger, and he has already won the battle. Let him be glorified! 

"In the world you will have tribulation,
but take heart; I have overcome the world."

I cling to this promise! 

In the true nature of Our Lord, the Teacher I had just walked though a lesson in our James study that spelled out that our tongue can be lit by either source, one of the Holy spirit in Light and Truth or by hell in darkness and confusion. We have a choice which fire lights our tongues. (Acts 2:1-4, James 3:6) I wrestled with the idea that many of the people in this country don't know they have a choice, they are simply blinded. The devil has such a captive audience here for so many reasons and it almost feels like he has prevailed.

 Then last night as I wrestled again in thought of this I looked up a sermon on my iPhone by Pastor John piper written in 1985 titled "Let us walk in the Light of God." That really captivated my thinking about how darkness is blinding, here is the analogy he used:

"Picture a man in a dark room. He feels warm, soft fur with one hand and a cold sharp edge with the other and draws in close to the warmth and softness of the fur. But, when the light comes on, he sees that the warm, soft fur is the under belly of a horrid, man-eating monster; and the hard, cold edge is the sword of the Majestic Christ ready to save. The reason he was controlled by his desire for the man-eating monster is that he was in the dark."

Then God shows me this word: 

"Now is the judgement of this world; now will the ruler of this world be cast out. And when I am lifted up from earth, will draw all people to myself.....The light is among you for a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you. The one who walks in the darkness does not know where he is going. While you have the light believe in the light, that you may become sons of light" (John 12:31-32, 35-36)

I was reminded that although the dark may seam to overtake this Island I have faith to believe in the Light of my Savior, that he has a beautiful plan of redemption that I am not able to see yet (and he is empowering me to see how I am a part of that plan, everyday I am here) regardless the darkness that tries to prevail. After all we are sons of light created in the image of "the Father of Lights." ( James 1:17)

I am reminded of a favorite Hillsong worship song;
You said, "Ask and I'll give the nations to you"
Oh, Lord, that's the cry of my heart
Distant shores and the islands will see Your light, as it rises on us 

In order to not be stringing these pearls together and trowing them away to pigs, I ask you join me in prayer for this Island. That the Island would sing of HIS light, and that darkness would flee.

After our discussion I ran to the Lord in my despair, this is the following prayer I wrote in my journal. Please be in prayer with me for the chains of oppression, confusion, and darkness to fall and for the Light of the HOLY one to shine in this country.

....My prayer  

Oh Father,

Hear my cry for all those on this island who think they know your truth, yet can't comprehend your Grace that your sons blood provided for us. Let your light come and reside among us and make Truth become evident, remove the scales from their eyes and the veil from their faces. My prayer for those hearts who are lead astray by empty words and displays of religion that are so far from your Truth that you may reveal to their hearts the foolishness of the world and seek you. As you run after us as the one sheep who is lost, Father I pray for your very pursuit of their soul to captivate them with your Light and radiate Truth into their lives. Father, we believe you hold all things in your hands and as darkness is concerned let it be cast out. Let your name be lifted high and make a home in the hearts of men, women and children across the nation of Haiti. Bring boldness to those in this country battling the darkness with your Light, let us be unified and unafraid to share of your Light, Truth and Love.

Amen

I am NOT Naive; A Surrender

For a few weeks a thought has popped into my head almost everyday that I can't quite shake.
"Am I naive?" "Do I really think I can do this whole moving to Haiti thing?"
I have been walking into this thought somewhat blindly, as if I can brush off this overwhelming feeling of something bigger in my heart bubbling up. I know what the devil wants me to do with this thought and if it's as he has planned he will have a field day. I've got to tell you too, that he has tried very hard to use these lies against me in order for fear to overtake my heart. HE WON'T PREVAIL.

The lies continued to flow all from that one thought;

"You can't do this"
"You aren't prepared"
"See, you aren't working hard enough to prepare... you can't be that dumb."
"Are you really blindly going into this?"

^How ugly is that?
Twisting my saviors sweet time of rest before I do the work set before me come august.

I'm not going to lie, battling all these lies hasn't been a walk in the park.
I've spent more time defeated in these lies than I would like to tell you about...many days and nights fighting sin and hurts specifically brought up with the purpose of drowning me in the reality of my own flesh. I AM HUMAN, my God loves me still. (Can I get an Amen?) I fell, turned around and I surrendered and he swallowed me up with his tremendous flood of grace and love. I don't deserve one ounce of this love, but he so tenderly loves us. Even in our sin, even in our hurt, in the middle of a storm he wants our surrender so he can fill us and remind us that he has control. Why would I ever worry or be defeated so easily for my saviors embrace reminded me that I am not alone, he will be working all things together for my good.

I may be naive to think that I can do it alone, sure. But I am not. He is with me always even until the end of the age (Matt 28:20). It's a promise, and God doesn't break his promises. NEVER, EVER.

I may also be naive to think I don't need to prepare, sure. But he is preparing me in the best way possible. My heart. The first place I need to prepare is my own heart, not lesson plans, nor any packing of a suitcase can fill me the way my savior is preparing a place in my heart for his work to be done. You can't buy that kind of peace, you cant muster up enough effort or know-how or even skill to face giants in life, we simply hold onto the hope of our Lord and trust with all we have.

To others it may sound naive that I am not taking "necessary precautions" but I know my God has it all in his hands, and no amount of worry will change that. No amount of preparations or precautions can make any instance better if all he desires for me is to trust him.

My heart must be willing to be taught, and I know that this is only the beginning. He is going to teach me so much in the coming months that I cannot begin to feel overwhelmed; therefore the beautiful lesson here as it always is "My daughter Trust me, I hold all things together and I will never let go of you, ever!" Rest in that truth.

I have been reading a book sweetly given to me by a stranger (I can call her a sister ) called kisses from Katie written by a sweet young girl who moved to Uganda following God's will. This excerpt really hit it home for me.

" 'Remember, God will never give you more than you can handle.' People repeat this frequently, I head it when I was growing up and I hear it now. It is meant to be a source of encouragement, and it would be if it were true.

But I don't.

I believe that God totally, absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle. Because this is when we surrender to Him and he takes over, proving himself by doing the impossible in our lives." -Katie Davis

I am blown away by how true this statement is for my life. I can't believe that God doesn't give us more than we can handle because he desires to prove himself to us in his passionate pursuit of his children. Because he loves us and wants to display his sovereign rule. He was sovereign over the devil attacking me, and has grace for my flesh or any failing I may do in the process in pursuit of  his will. He will always be sovereign, he will always want to rescue us from ourselves and the devil; that's his nature that's his love in motion....he simply can't contain himself.

 Even when circumstances feel unstable, our God is the one holding that unstable platform under our feet building with faith, love, and trust that He always has and always will be holding us up. Put your hand on your chest, do you feel the oxygen entering your lungs, he holds even this breath right now in his hands. He is even more visible in the crumbling of our plans, expectations, and strength the first step to visibly seeing his work in our lives is surrender. Without our surrender, we simply are standing (or falling, rather) on our own.. We can either have victory in our own hands as a champion and be filled with pride (news flash: that victory wasn't on your own accord) or become defeated in life by circumstances, sin, or the brokenness of the world and we are buried in our own workmanship and beat ourselves up for our foolishness and human character. Either way pride is in the way, we have to surrender our pride with brokenness before the father and plead for his help. We already have someone pleading for us on our behalf, he is our advocate.(1John 2:1) Jesus Christ entire existence life, death and Resurrection is your plead. His grace fights our case and we can see clearly though his scars the impossible can be done only through God because with God all things are possible. (Mark 10:27).

I won't be foolish in believing lies that I am not enough, because the world wants me to believe the impossible isn't possible...but God is with me so that is proof enough for me to trust him. Christ will always be enough!

Where are you still fighting giants on your own accord and succeeding or failing yet still blind to the mighty one who saves? I challenge you to search your heart and surrender what lies inside your flesh lacking complete surrender to the Lord. He is ready to receive this surrender with his son's beautiful grace awaiting your cry. I pray for you as Paul did for the church in Ephesus;

"That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man,  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love,  may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God." Eph 3:16-19

Thanks for reading; feel free to let me know how I can be praying for you!

-ATrux(almost) in haiti