Celebration of Stillness & Broken Pieces Renewed

Before I left for Haiti I had a season of stillness.
That included very little to do and lots of processing on my couch.

Wondering what is to come and how to prepare?
Knowing we never truly can be ready but rather need to stand tall in the spirit.

I remember feeling shame for sitting on my couch day after day feeling so unproductive.
Feeling useless and just ready to move onto what God had for me, where God had me; Haiti.

Then I was sent into the mission.
*Like a whirlwind*
He stretched me in ways I wasn't sure I was capable of stretching.
He grew me in areas I wasn't anticipating growth.
I danced in the storms and cried over this world being utterly broken.
There was trial in places I hadn't ever been tested.
I fought for what I believed in and the convictions he gave me.
There were broken pieces floating around my heart just surviving day to day.
Then suddenly a year has past and I just stand amazed

Those broken pieces...
They are still there, the broken shards of my heart attacking even simple daily functioning. That's what you aren't ready for when you go on mission; the recoil and the picking up of all that was thrown about in your life, but I'm going to tell you a secret; it's worth all the pain. Floating around waiting to be redeemed and repaired by the ONE being that can do such work. A savior who desires to pick up the broken pieces and put them back together for our good and his Glory. He is a compassionate savior who knows the deepest darkest parts of us and isn't scared away because he made us that way. He is faithful in the recovery and repairing because he knows what broke us to begin with and he know the one thing that can heal us: HIMSELF.

"Even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed" 1 peter 3:14

I'm back on the couch. This time it's not even mine.
This time in freedom. To rest and remember.

To sit in stillness before a God who chose to surrender his own son for my sake.
To be humbled by circumstances enough to trust he has a greater plan.

Although I have battled condemnation from the enemy for being in the season I'm in...
I know I have a father willing to pick up the pieces and lovingly repair what is broken.

Let no one tell you what season you should be in... let not culture, nor age, nor any other factor determine where you are to be... because if we can trust in stillness he will repair, then it's enough. It's enough to be right where we are in him, in freedom. It's enough for our souls to be simply satisfied in him alone.
You are enough. 

There is a funny thing about value that the devil want's us to hide under fear; fear we aren't worth it. He wants us to believe our failures and flesh make for uselessness. If it's one thing I've learned from believing that lie for far too long it's that for every lie we embed...deeper goes the truth. Over and over this year I felt as if I had little value. Nothing to give, it was never enough. I lived in this defeated state of mind but as I look back on my story I can see it. Etched into every memory and every doubt the gem of hope. The truth that tells: YOU ARE VALUE. Why? Because he came for me. He bled and died because he valued our lives over his. He rose and was seated at the right hand of God because there was enough good in him that he chose to value you all the more. Even in our sin. He valued us then. You, dear child are VALUED. Never forget it.


It's funny how we find healing;

Sometimes it's a conversation with a stranger in your foreign tongue and it feels like your old friends reminding you about all the failed conversations a year ago and how he enabled you to learn far more than you would have ever believed.

Sometimes it's admitting you are broken to your boyfriend, and instead of judgement he looks at you with the most compassion in his eyes and says: "but we are all broken." Yes, yes we are.

Sometimes it's a song that comes on at all the right times, and the dancing that comes with it.

Sometimes it's a silent prayer and the tears that flow from it in your car... the one Jesus gave to you out of faithfulness and his favor.

Many times it's talking with sisters in Christ and realizing this life is far too hard to do it alone and you thank Jesus for each other... laughing, crying, and all the dramatic and beautiful moments you share.

A lot of times it's scripture washing over wounds like the ocean; cleaning out the gunk and feeling the sting of the salt but becoming purified in the process...renewed by the washing.

So when he calls you to wait, wait in him. Wait in stillness for the truth and promise he brings with him...because without it we are caught up in our own tangle of lies we chose to believe. We could even slowly slip into believing this season is useless, and we would be mistaken. Because the recovery of the crop is necessary for the new harvest to take form. The resting of the soil enables good fruit to grow. The sitting on a couch enables healing in freedom to flow. So when we are in weird seasons remember that he brings us THROUGH the desert land to the PROMISE land. There is a promise, and the promise is healing, redemption, and new life! 

If nothing else, that's what I am praising God for today. HEALING, REDEMPTION, NEW LIFE.
Won't you join me in the celebration? In the stillness we will celebrate his work!

Broken, Refined, Found:

There is just something about sea glass that I love. Its texture, speckled cloudy color, various shapes and sizes, but mostly the search.

It's seeking them out among the rubble that I love. Like a ruby amidst rubbish, a diamond in the rough, a beautiful pearl in an oyster. Like a great treasure to be found, waiting to be admired by the right pair of eyes. I assume many walk past these pieces of beauty everyday and miss the hidden jewels.

Today as I was so blessed to be walking along the beach I set out to round up these beauties, searching for my gems. Each time I spot one my heart does a little dance, it leaps about as I watch them glimmering in the sun just waiting for me to behold them and call them precious.

As the sea rose and fell I went about my search, scanning the sand filled with debris, rocks and trash hopeful to find the pieces that make my heart dance so. Just as the father seeks us out, searches our souls and is hopeful for our obedience to his calling. We make his heart dance as he is forever constantly seeking out his treasure.

You see there is something unique about sea glass that I find so beautiful. The process starts with a bottle or other glass product that was tossed to the wayside, not even given a second thought by the littering party - discarded as useless, broken, and lacking any potential.  As the pieces of glass sit on the beach they wait, waiting for the tide to wash them, to cleanse them. They are vulnerable to the power of the wave and the nature of the tide. They must wait to be refined, they must submit to the power of the waves beyond them. The tumbling begins in its timing and starts refining the piece. Taking what was once sharp shards of glass and polishing them, making them soft and smooth as they toss about the sea and the rocks. This process occurs over and over. Large pieces become small, and what was once jagged becomes soft. It has been refined. 

We all, like sea glass need refining and begin in the same nature. In order to be refined we must first be broken. Broken to sin, to the weight of our separation from the perfection we cannot attain. He reveals our sharp edges and we fall away to the wayside over our very broken nature. We wait then for the maker, for his tide of love and peace to overwhelm our hearts. As we discover his greatness we are flooded with a certainty that this refining may actually have a purpose. We may be made new. We first wait for the tide, waiting for the Lord to take our vulnerable hearts and mend, bring together broken pieces and make them whole for renewal. Then we must go though the tumbling, the tossing of the sea over the rocks, waiting for the tide as it naturally rises we await our renewal. This does not just occur once however, but a continual breaking, waiting, refining is in process.  It's not just a once time dip in the ocean that will make us new, but a constant repeating edifying, edge softening, daily tossing with hope to me made more like Jesus. The tide never stops, it is always faithful and comes to work on our broken pieces, we must submit. We are just as vulnerable as that small piece of glass yet with the hope of a future to live to know the maker and eternally sing of his worthy name! We are but broken jagged pieces waiting to be broken, refined, found this is the process. Praise God for the process. 

Sometimes I like to think God sees us as I see sea glass. Beautiful in each their own way. No matter their amount of refining that has occurred or needs to occur. Calling them precious in his sight because they are vulnerable to the sea being obedient in the washing. Seeing the beauty in the ashes and watching the process refine his beloved. He picks us out among the rocks and trash and calls us beautiful even if our edges still require tossing. He sees the beauty in the making even when we aren't willing to be refined. He watches with joy as we toss about in the water, submitting to his will. He sings over us when we are made in his likeness and  are being softened to his will and way.  He calls us out among the rubbish and takes us though the storm with him, never alone. He feels the toss just as we do but knows of the renewal he has in mind. He sees the big picture, the mosaic he is creating. We are transformed and made new by his very hands and vulnerable to his power and thankful in the refining of our broken pieces. I pray I no longer look at what is broken in my heart in a way that shames me but rather a way that allows for softening to occur, for transformation by refining power by the maker.

When I don't understand missing pieces...why Children go without food...why Abuse continues it's cycle...why Evil is so persistent and taunting I am thankful for the tossing of a wave in remembrance that He makes all things new!

That which was broken, those who are poor of this world he also chooses to be heirs in the kingdom. Thanks be to God that he takes what the world casts out and calls rubbish and draws it to himself. He calls out the broken pieces to be made new and vulnerable to the refining process. Far exceeding our expectations Lord, as we will one day understand the refining he lavished on us in grace.

Today I am thankful for the process. For refining, for the search our Lord does to make us new. I'm thankful that we have hope and a future because of the promise our savior secured for us on the cross and in his resurrection.

He was beaten so we could be broken.

He was nailed so we can be refined.

He died so there could be a process that we may be made new in his name.

He was risen so we can be found.

The once crystal clear glass becomes cloudy in the process, in the tossing and refining - the beautiful process.  Let us embrace what has been broken in order to be made new and with thanksgiving praise him where we are in the tumbling of our sharp edges. We were made in his perfect image and when we cracked due to our sin we should have been tossed by the wayside, seen as useless and lacking no potential. Thankfully our fathers beautiful plan picks up the broken pieces and creates a new way to watch the beauty break on the shore. No matter the difficulty of life here, the tossing, the constant thrashing of trial I must love the process. I must remember he makes all things new, even if I can't see it or don't understand it. And I'll say it again, He makes all things new.