Celebration of Stillness & Broken Pieces Renewed

Before I left for Haiti I had a season of stillness.
That included very little to do and lots of processing on my couch.

Wondering what is to come and how to prepare?
Knowing we never truly can be ready but rather need to stand tall in the spirit.

I remember feeling shame for sitting on my couch day after day feeling so unproductive.
Feeling useless and just ready to move onto what God had for me, where God had me; Haiti.

Then I was sent into the mission.
*Like a whirlwind*
He stretched me in ways I wasn't sure I was capable of stretching.
He grew me in areas I wasn't anticipating growth.
I danced in the storms and cried over this world being utterly broken.
There was trial in places I hadn't ever been tested.
I fought for what I believed in and the convictions he gave me.
There were broken pieces floating around my heart just surviving day to day.
Then suddenly a year has past and I just stand amazed

Those broken pieces...
They are still there, the broken shards of my heart attacking even simple daily functioning. That's what you aren't ready for when you go on mission; the recoil and the picking up of all that was thrown about in your life, but I'm going to tell you a secret; it's worth all the pain. Floating around waiting to be redeemed and repaired by the ONE being that can do such work. A savior who desires to pick up the broken pieces and put them back together for our good and his Glory. He is a compassionate savior who knows the deepest darkest parts of us and isn't scared away because he made us that way. He is faithful in the recovery and repairing because he knows what broke us to begin with and he know the one thing that can heal us: HIMSELF.

"Even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed" 1 peter 3:14

I'm back on the couch. This time it's not even mine.
This time in freedom. To rest and remember.

To sit in stillness before a God who chose to surrender his own son for my sake.
To be humbled by circumstances enough to trust he has a greater plan.

Although I have battled condemnation from the enemy for being in the season I'm in...
I know I have a father willing to pick up the pieces and lovingly repair what is broken.

Let no one tell you what season you should be in... let not culture, nor age, nor any other factor determine where you are to be... because if we can trust in stillness he will repair, then it's enough. It's enough to be right where we are in him, in freedom. It's enough for our souls to be simply satisfied in him alone.
You are enough. 

There is a funny thing about value that the devil want's us to hide under fear; fear we aren't worth it. He wants us to believe our failures and flesh make for uselessness. If it's one thing I've learned from believing that lie for far too long it's that for every lie we embed...deeper goes the truth. Over and over this year I felt as if I had little value. Nothing to give, it was never enough. I lived in this defeated state of mind but as I look back on my story I can see it. Etched into every memory and every doubt the gem of hope. The truth that tells: YOU ARE VALUE. Why? Because he came for me. He bled and died because he valued our lives over his. He rose and was seated at the right hand of God because there was enough good in him that he chose to value you all the more. Even in our sin. He valued us then. You, dear child are VALUED. Never forget it.


It's funny how we find healing;

Sometimes it's a conversation with a stranger in your foreign tongue and it feels like your old friends reminding you about all the failed conversations a year ago and how he enabled you to learn far more than you would have ever believed.

Sometimes it's admitting you are broken to your boyfriend, and instead of judgement he looks at you with the most compassion in his eyes and says: "but we are all broken." Yes, yes we are.

Sometimes it's a song that comes on at all the right times, and the dancing that comes with it.

Sometimes it's a silent prayer and the tears that flow from it in your car... the one Jesus gave to you out of faithfulness and his favor.

Many times it's talking with sisters in Christ and realizing this life is far too hard to do it alone and you thank Jesus for each other... laughing, crying, and all the dramatic and beautiful moments you share.

A lot of times it's scripture washing over wounds like the ocean; cleaning out the gunk and feeling the sting of the salt but becoming purified in the process...renewed by the washing.

So when he calls you to wait, wait in him. Wait in stillness for the truth and promise he brings with him...because without it we are caught up in our own tangle of lies we chose to believe. We could even slowly slip into believing this season is useless, and we would be mistaken. Because the recovery of the crop is necessary for the new harvest to take form. The resting of the soil enables good fruit to grow. The sitting on a couch enables healing in freedom to flow. So when we are in weird seasons remember that he brings us THROUGH the desert land to the PROMISE land. There is a promise, and the promise is healing, redemption, and new life! 

If nothing else, that's what I am praising God for today. HEALING, REDEMPTION, NEW LIFE.
Won't you join me in the celebration? In the stillness we will celebrate his work!

Flaking Skin (Sin)

As I am sitting on my hard tile floor, I pick off the dead- sunburnt skin from my shoulder. I look on the ground and become increasingly disgusted by the sight of my brown sun drenched thirsty skin just sitting on my floor. I go get the broom and sweep it up for what seams like the 100th time this week.

This isn't my first sunburn. Growing up in Florida I'm pretty accustom to the fact that the sun's rays can do some serious damage and yet somehow I applied my sunscreen a little less than liberally on my last trip to the beach. I look at my speckled skin in the mirror, some fresh new pinkish white skin and other blotches of flaky dead and dying skin. It's amazing what our bodies were created to do. I was curious the amount of skin our bodies shed on their own with no sun exposure so I did some really legit research and google'd it. The results were pretty amazing- in just a single day our skin sheds about 14 million particles of skin so in just a year that makes about 1.5 pounds of skin. Yea, it's kinda gross but think about it for a second, we are constantly becoming new. Every Skin particle that falls from our bodies is replaced with new fresh skin underneath, it's incredible!!

I was thinking about how even simple functions of our bodies are are made for call us to look to the Lord with wonder and amazement. There is something deeper here. Even simply breathing is a miracle in itself- maybe it's because I'm not a medical person and don't understand all the inter-workings of our bodies but I think there is a greater reason for the unknown- for the mystery of life to send us in pursuit of the creator of life.

I was reading Romans 8 today and a this verse stood out "For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin. He condemned sin in the flesh in order that the rigthetious requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us who walk not according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." (Romans 8:3-4) 

Now remember my flaking skin? That burn that was so bad, the relief as it turns out, is loss of flesh. Isn't it so with sinfulness. The result of a big sin (or little for that matter), a heart that has deceived, a mind that has wandered, a flesh in pursuit of our own demise is always a loss. We must lose the flesh in order to gain newness. I don't think this verse will ever get old to me 2 cor 5:17 "Therefore If anyone is in Christ he is a new creation, the old has passed away, behold, the new has come"  because I need that new layer of skin each day. The layer of skin flaking off all my sinfulness so that I can walk according to the spirit. The reminder is simple, we must remember to look at our flesh to see the burn we are causing when we don't walk by the spirit as we should. Even when the skin hurts- like after a sunburn repentance is so much sweeter and we gain a new layer of skin to protect us. 

One called Grace. 

We all need this layer to not only continually protect us but also to point us back to something we cannot do for ourselves- cover our dying flesh in grace. We don't deserve new skin when we have been walking for so long in our flesh, refusing to flake off the pieces so dear to us. Idols can be clung to our skin like glue and we are deceived when we think that if we flake that little piece of skin (sin) off we will never have a covering there (better protect ourselves with death) so we hide our dying flesh away as it rots and we begin to smell.

Romans 8 also says "to set the mind on flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is LIFE AND PEACE."

Our flesh says- "look at me!! Even though my layers are weak and flimsy (I will pretend to be strong) I'm still more attractive than newness." Or even our self-denial saying "I still don't think it's time for us to part, I am still a part of you, you cannot escape me." Colossians puts it rather bluntly "Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry."  We must remember that the very flesh we are living in must be put to death in order to find newness of life. Take those scales of sinfulness and flake them off one by one in order to receive a newness of life, to walk in the Spirit covered by Grace.

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." 2 Cor 7:10 also makes it plain that our burnt dying skin will only bring us what a dying thing can- death. 

The good news is we have an option and repentance is that option- we can be lead to salvation and the newness of our flesh in a Godly sorrow of the sinfulness. We must remember that repentance is a sweet thing, it's from the Lord, Leads to life, ends in Joy, looks to Jesus, is a blessing and Leads to new identity in Christ.  I say this and urge you to remember the very first chapter of Romans 8  "If you are in Christ there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus." Conviction and Condemnation are two very different things. Condemnation is from Satan, leads to despair and ends in sorrow, no wonder the liar wants to convince you that conviction brings you these things, but that is simply not true.

The funny thing about this sunburn also is that because I don't have a full length mirror I have no idea where I am pealing. In the places I can see  such as my arms, those places are rather easy to tear away the old skin and reveal the new, but I cannot see my back... I have no vision there. I need another person to point out, even help me flake off the useless dead skin in order to reveal the newness aching to come to the surface. It's the very same thing with our sin. I think many of us are too scared or grossed out by their own flesh to ask for help because if we can't see it, maybe it doesn't need to be bothered with...right?

The reality is the less we see the more we have need for vision, we need all the help we can get when it comes to the areas of sin we cannot see. That's when a sister points out your pride and you look at them like, NO I AM NOT BURNT THERE (ha, ha). Or when we Point to another persons pealing skin but miss altogether the flesh rotting on our own backs because we refuse to see. Don't let a lack of vision keep you from shedding that weight. Jesus wants to take it... all the dead,scaly and gross flesh. He wants it all, not just what we can see and that's why we need a community of sunburnt people to call out in a loving way where dying flesh needs to be removed so new flesh can take place. New flesh covered in Grace and filled with the Spirit!! Come Join me, sit in the sun and remember how we can protect ourselves from our own flesh by looking to the newness offered in Christ Jesus.

"Behold I am making all things new. Write this down for these words are trustworthy and true!" Rev. 21:5