When it rains...

"Miss Amanda it rained yesterday" Nicholas aimlessly talks as we go on out on our daily afternoon walk. "Your right Nicholas it did rain yesterday" I say with only half my brain after the chaos that was nap time. Excited nick exclaims "The sun warmed up all the wet things... It shineded on all that was rainded on!"

"Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving; make melody to our God on the lyre! He covers the heavens with clouds; he prepares rain for the earth;  he makes grass grow on the hills." Psalm 147:8

At that point I stop to let the boys investigate a leaf because all leaves are full of wonder, but apparently this was T  H  E  perfect leaf. I couldn't argue- all nature sends me on hunt for more of the beauty of the creator. He made the perfect leaf... & that one an that one... The one with the stripes and the one with the spots, he made them all!

It was then I thought about all that rain talk- we all have days where it feels like rain in our lives. We feel like the storms will push us over and it just won't dry.When we are drenched by circumstances and shivering in the cold. When the rain comes and it wets the ground in our souls we think just because it was wet somehow that means there isn't a way for the rain drenched streets of our hearts and minds to become dry again. We think in our        h o p e l e s s n e s s of the negative self talk, the kind the devil loves- because he doesn't have to do any work... we simply condemn ourselves and he just smirks his devilish smirk. The rain falls faster and with more velocity because if circumstances can bring us down, then he won't need to push us anyways. __Yet we are "more than conquerors" so we need not fall into this thought or disgrace for the power of the spirit can lift us from this negative thought___

Even as I type this in attempt to never forget simple thoughts of a child; Nicholas starts talking about how Jesus gives us hearts to chose his way or we sometimes choose poorly but he loves us still. That's the gospel straight from the mouth of babes: freedom to chose his way and his truth but also love in the bad choices still. Grace that covers it all! Of course in his 5-year old mind he compares bad choices to "bad guys" but the concept was there- and what a concept to grasp!!

The SON (of God) surely warms the cold and wet parts in our hearts- hurts caused by people, by heartache, by simply the brokenness of the world. The son, the one and only son. He warms us with his light. His warmth reminds us of his favor as his faithfulness. The rainbow in our hearts keep account of his shining. That beautiful rainbow reminds us of his promise. Our rainbows can take many different shapes,forms, and of course many different colors.  Maybe the rainbows of our soul come from a place of forgiving where it isn't easy or fair. Other times rainbows are colored by accepting or giving grace to others. Furthermore our rainbows carry us back to place of remembering. Even if it rains so hard that we think we may never get dry again; the son shines in perfectly into our deepest, wettest and most torrential downpours. He clears it up- he always does. Rest in him as the rain falls in our lives and trust in him when he provides his comfort in warmth. Because "the SON gives us warmth- he dries up all the wet parts"

This week I had many moments when I thought "It's raining, but I chose to believe the SON gives me warmth." I shall not despair or sit under condemnation but rather gather up the soggy socks and walk forward in confidence that the dry weather will come. It isn't the dry weather we wait for though, we sit in the rain drenched with a heart of joy. We can choose to dance in the rain and embrace the muckieness that is life some days.

Dance and let the SON warm you even when... you get a huge bill from the hospital for more than you have in your saving. Because when the Son warms you he provides with not only provision for the whole bill and debt eliminated but also a 20% discount to the paying party. Freely dance when you have your record wiped clean because when I look at a debt being paid I see the Gospel. I see our sin and utter helplessness in death and remember a savior sent to save us from the pit of death.

 "He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." Psalm 40:2

Dance and let the SON warm you even when... you are stuck in traffic on the interstate. Because maybe that traffic somehow had God's sovereign hand wrapped up in it.. because he knew your car would stall. He knew going 70mph and a car stopping would be death but he chose life so therefore he chose traffic. Slowing my vehicle down enough to realize, ughhh whaaaa....what is happening?! Choosing joy even after the tears flow because you realize that without his hand in steering you off the highway you would be dead. We would all be dead though, without his rainbows; without his remembrance of what his son did... he warms us even in the chaos of tow trucks, mechanics and even lack of faith in the moment of distress. H e   r e s t o r e s , he renews... and you drive away the next day praising all the more loudly. 

"The lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down." Psalm 145:14

Dance and let the SON warm you even when....you are tempted beyond your self control. Sit in the reality that dancing with a sin is like dancing with fire- we will get burned. When the son warms you and reminds you of his grace, then CHRIST grabs hold of your hand and dances you into remembrance of his light being shed on all things and why convictions of the spirit are a thing to be pressed in on to hear clearly rather than put on mute so your sin can run rampant. RUN, run fast the other way so you can dance freely in the arms of one who knows even the deepest darkest things and yet love you still deeper, stronger, wider.

Dance and let the SON warm you even when... you face broken relationships, failures, tragedy, triumph, sadness, sorrow, depression, anguish, faithlessness, hopelessness, broken hearts, bitterness, fears, trauma, health issues, Cancer, poor results, bad feedback, innumerable obstacles, disadvantage, financial struggles and the list goes on. At the end of the day we can chose to remember the rainbows despite the rain, and better yet dance in the storm. We can walk in confidence because we know God has us in his sovereign hands and choose to trust him even when our hands shake when we praise or pray. 


"As servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: By great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger, by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy spirit, genuine love by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; for honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet known; as dying, and behold we live; as punished and yet not killed; as sorrowful yet always rejoicing; as poor yet making many rich; as having nothing, YET POSSESSING EVERYTHING."                                  
2 C o r i n t h i a n s 6:4-10

24- Hope

Tonight, on the eve of my 24th Birthday the Lord lead me to reflect on this past year.

I remember sitting in my bunk bed in Haiti this exact evening late into the wee hours of the morning doing just this last year. Crying out to the Lord and thanking him for his faithfulness in my life. Thanking him that he had brought me to a place where all things were stripped away from the very clutter filled lives we live in America. Zoomed in on his work, his hands, and his feet becoming those in action. Capturing moments of his grace in every pain, and his joy even from our sorrows. Focusing deeply upon the Hope at which rests at his feet.

Hope in Christ ALONE. nothing else.

Not in Jobs {Just in Christ}
Not in Money {Just in Christ}
Not in Beauty {Just in Christ}
Not in Fame {Just in Christ}
Not in Pride {Just in Christ}
Not in People {Just in Christ}
Not in (dare i say it) Art {Just in Christ}

As I reflect on those revelations I had at this exact time last year I nearly had a breakdown at the perpetual quicksand like motion at witch I have been moving in the states. I realized how one by one those things had been trying to invade where my hope lies just a month home. The expectations I placed on myself were unrealistic and in a lot of ways worldly in order to "look, move, act, be"  like everyone else in "my stage(whatever that is) in" this life. I couldn't put my finger on the pressure I felt- even when "no one" was forcing me, culture was. Expectations for a 24 year old here look different than my life in Haiti, and having lived in a 3rd world country for an extended period of time does not fit into those expectations. I wanted to hide. Go back to life in America but not face the culture that is in America- Impossible.

It was frightening to realize how quickly we conform again to the patterns of our worlds. My world had been simplicity and difficulty mixed into little comfort with a lot of love, all of a sudden it's a shifting burden of worldliness smack dab in my face. Coming back into a culture where we are told our Jobs define us --I don't have one. Those Jobs afford us leisure our money can buy-- that I have in limited supply as well. Beauty in high fashion and making yourself to be "pulled together" screams "CULTURE SHOCK" for me. I was alarmingly so caught off guard by that in the airport; not even on american soil for an hour looking in the mirror suddenly feeling my face naked next to the layers piled on the next girl. After a year of wearing only Nike shorts and tee shirts I didn't exactly remember how to coordinate so I realize my outfit was certainly not "cute" and I'm pretty sure I saw more self assured middle schoolers than I was in that moment. I wanted to jump into a Jcrew magazine and hide for a few days remembering what it was like to feel pretty.

Why?
Our culture screams HOPE IN JOBS, HOPE IN MONEY, HOPE IN STUFF, HOPE IN BEAUTY, HOPE IN LUST, HOPE IN STUFF, HOPE IN YOURSELF, HOPE IN "FREEDOM," HOPE IN FAME, HOPE IN YOUR FIGURE, HOPE IN STUFF, HOPE IN THE AMERICAN DREAM, HOPE IN ALCOHOL, HOPE IN FUN, HOPE IN FRIENDS, HOPE IN STUFF, HOPE IN ANYTHING(just not Jesus)  HOPE IN LIES.

They are all lies.

There is only ONE TRUE HOPE.

Christ ALONE.

It seams I am still stripped of  many of these ideals now, but as I immerse more and more back in my own culture it's inevitable changes will take place. I will (eventually?!) get a job that likely will pay money that likely turns into caring or at least being somewhat concerned about how presentable I am. In and of themselves these are not bad things I simply cannot put my hope in them, especially as I don't have them when the world says I "need" them. I have more hope than my circumstances because I have Christ, he is all in all. I remember that all these things are fleeting and offer us little of that zoomed in reality of Christ. This is why the devil uses those lies to hope in anything but Jesus. He wants us to loose sight of Christ altogether by jobs and money and clothes, and sadly we can. America, we have.

As I walk into my 24th year, jobless nearly penniless and with little idea of what this year holds all I can do is remember my Hope is in Christ alone. Our circumstances don't make hopeful people, we become hopeful people when we hope in Christ and not in this world.

As I remember the truths the Lord has pressed so deeply in my heart in my 23rd year I rest in his faithfulness for 24, for he alone is my hope.

"The Lord directs the steps of the Godly, he delights in every detail of their lives." Psalm 37:23