Celebration of Stillness & Broken Pieces Renewed

Before I left for Haiti I had a season of stillness.
That included very little to do and lots of processing on my couch.

Wondering what is to come and how to prepare?
Knowing we never truly can be ready but rather need to stand tall in the spirit.

I remember feeling shame for sitting on my couch day after day feeling so unproductive.
Feeling useless and just ready to move onto what God had for me, where God had me; Haiti.

Then I was sent into the mission.
*Like a whirlwind*
He stretched me in ways I wasn't sure I was capable of stretching.
He grew me in areas I wasn't anticipating growth.
I danced in the storms and cried over this world being utterly broken.
There was trial in places I hadn't ever been tested.
I fought for what I believed in and the convictions he gave me.
There were broken pieces floating around my heart just surviving day to day.
Then suddenly a year has past and I just stand amazed

Those broken pieces...
They are still there, the broken shards of my heart attacking even simple daily functioning. That's what you aren't ready for when you go on mission; the recoil and the picking up of all that was thrown about in your life, but I'm going to tell you a secret; it's worth all the pain. Floating around waiting to be redeemed and repaired by the ONE being that can do such work. A savior who desires to pick up the broken pieces and put them back together for our good and his Glory. He is a compassionate savior who knows the deepest darkest parts of us and isn't scared away because he made us that way. He is faithful in the recovery and repairing because he knows what broke us to begin with and he know the one thing that can heal us: HIMSELF.

"Even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed" 1 peter 3:14

I'm back on the couch. This time it's not even mine.
This time in freedom. To rest and remember.

To sit in stillness before a God who chose to surrender his own son for my sake.
To be humbled by circumstances enough to trust he has a greater plan.

Although I have battled condemnation from the enemy for being in the season I'm in...
I know I have a father willing to pick up the pieces and lovingly repair what is broken.

Let no one tell you what season you should be in... let not culture, nor age, nor any other factor determine where you are to be... because if we can trust in stillness he will repair, then it's enough. It's enough to be right where we are in him, in freedom. It's enough for our souls to be simply satisfied in him alone.
You are enough. 

There is a funny thing about value that the devil want's us to hide under fear; fear we aren't worth it. He wants us to believe our failures and flesh make for uselessness. If it's one thing I've learned from believing that lie for far too long it's that for every lie we embed...deeper goes the truth. Over and over this year I felt as if I had little value. Nothing to give, it was never enough. I lived in this defeated state of mind but as I look back on my story I can see it. Etched into every memory and every doubt the gem of hope. The truth that tells: YOU ARE VALUE. Why? Because he came for me. He bled and died because he valued our lives over his. He rose and was seated at the right hand of God because there was enough good in him that he chose to value you all the more. Even in our sin. He valued us then. You, dear child are VALUED. Never forget it.


It's funny how we find healing;

Sometimes it's a conversation with a stranger in your foreign tongue and it feels like your old friends reminding you about all the failed conversations a year ago and how he enabled you to learn far more than you would have ever believed.

Sometimes it's admitting you are broken to your boyfriend, and instead of judgement he looks at you with the most compassion in his eyes and says: "but we are all broken." Yes, yes we are.

Sometimes it's a song that comes on at all the right times, and the dancing that comes with it.

Sometimes it's a silent prayer and the tears that flow from it in your car... the one Jesus gave to you out of faithfulness and his favor.

Many times it's talking with sisters in Christ and realizing this life is far too hard to do it alone and you thank Jesus for each other... laughing, crying, and all the dramatic and beautiful moments you share.

A lot of times it's scripture washing over wounds like the ocean; cleaning out the gunk and feeling the sting of the salt but becoming purified in the process...renewed by the washing.

So when he calls you to wait, wait in him. Wait in stillness for the truth and promise he brings with him...because without it we are caught up in our own tangle of lies we chose to believe. We could even slowly slip into believing this season is useless, and we would be mistaken. Because the recovery of the crop is necessary for the new harvest to take form. The resting of the soil enables good fruit to grow. The sitting on a couch enables healing in freedom to flow. So when we are in weird seasons remember that he brings us THROUGH the desert land to the PROMISE land. There is a promise, and the promise is healing, redemption, and new life! 

If nothing else, that's what I am praising God for today. HEALING, REDEMPTION, NEW LIFE.
Won't you join me in the celebration? In the stillness we will celebrate his work!