Yea That happened.
I really can't believe I'm done. I honestly don't think it's gonna hit me until I've been in Haiti for a few months and realize one day: HEY...wait a minute I'm a graduate?!
No one prepares you for the Post-Grad life and what I've learned in this short time is that If I am to learn anything, it's going to be about my contentment. A few months ago I felt a huge burden that this summer would hold something special, a training ground perhaps for the contentment I need to live a year in Haiti as a single women. As a result I felt lead not to apply for any summer job, look for major things to fill my time, or even be involved in leadership at my church..gasp! Instead I felt he had stillness for me and for this summer, although I didn't know how challenging that would be yet.
I'm totally a list kind of Girl. I am productive and want things to be done. This past week and a half has wrecked me. Just about the only thing I have finished is a 90's television show that will remain nameless for fear of mocking. I can't complete anything to save my life and I think it's for a greater reason than I can understand at the moment.
I have struggled this week to understand why I am still in Fort Myers because CLEARLY, Lord... I'm ready to go to Haiti NOW(pride). Funny story, I'm totally not...and if this week has been any clue I have a far way to go in order to understand how to be still.
His will for this summer may not be working with kids at a wonderful christian summer camp (KAA 2010) or living with the an incredible family while looking after their children (Hart residence 2011) or even being an intern in Haiti doing the Lord's work (Respire 2012.) Nope, It's to be still. Right here. Right now. Still before the lord. This may not sound like the most challenging thing for you, but let me tell you...I will be (and already have been) challenged in many ways.
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14
So here is to my still summer 2013; the summer of rest. God help me actually rest!
Don't let me get you wrong, I have had a lot of well needed rest. Such as sitting on the beach or in a hammock just talking or reading and that has been lovely!! Yet, the entirety of my days are less filled lately (let me remind you; my personality wants to constantly find a project, job, activity or something - ANYTHING to fill my time, but God said still, and still I will remain) I feel that in this stillness is where I need the Lord to lead me more clearly. When I have every option in the world, he points me to his presence over and over and therefore fills me with a contented spirit living inside me. How good is our God, or what?!
What a beautiful gift.
What a precious savior leading me to the fathers arms.
What a summer I have ahead!
Here are a few ways you could be praying for me:
- That I would take advantage of this time and instead of waste time, invest it into the word and precious time with the Lord.
- For my heart to continue to meditate on contentment coming from no other place but a peace of the Lord, giving me a constant desire to know his will and follow it.
- To live in an active faith and confidence in the Lord that this summer is a foreshadowing of where my heart needs to be in order to be fully devoted to my mission come August.
- Other practical things I have have to prepare for before I leave for Haiti such as lesson planning, curriculum, and attempting to learn Creole (Can I get an Amen?!)
"Whoever thinks he stands must be careful not to fall." (1cor. 10:12)This was a sweet reminder that it is not I who stands alone, but God holds me up and lest I forget where the strength comes from. Praying for that careful spirit in this season, where I could easily believe in my own flesh that I am standing... rather I know I cannot stand without his strength...even in a season of rest!
I also had an opportunity to look at the Miracle in Matthew 14 when Jesus fed the 5,000. What stood out wasn't the miracle of feeding the masses ( because let's face it most of us know the facts and figures in this story) rather, it was the number of leftovers that took me back.
"They picked up 12 baskets full of leftover pieces." Matt 14:20Let's think about that number for a minute. 12 baskets, 12 disciples. Not only was this a miracle on a massive scale, but Jesus intended to have just enough leftovers for the disciples to each have their fill as well. My heart was so full as the Lord reminded me that he provides perfectly for our needs. Jesus wanted his disciples to not only see that he cares for the masses like those he fed, but each of us personally. Praise God for his personal attention into each of our lives. I pray you are able to see how God not only loves us all, but he loves us in specific intentional ways, particular ways personal just to you. That's the God I serve, a personal, beloved, mighty one who fills all of our needs!
-ATrux (almost) in Haiti
